*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

"As I sat on the toilet, I realized how badass I was being. First of all, I (kind of) broke into Walmart; Second, I was (kind of) plotting to steal toilet paper; and third, I was doing all this while a hurricane was brewing outside." Ellie wanted a quick trip to Walmart to buy some toilet paper for her mom. A minute in, a minute out. Instead, she got locked in. With her secret love, of course.

When a semi-sentient starship loses its crew it must find a new one quickly. The nearest planet with intelligence is a small blue globe third out from its parent star. The ship, intelligence fading, kidnaps five humans from the mountains of the Appalachians and re-enters civilization. Unfortunately, said humans are questionably sentient and might not be the best ambassadors Earth could possibly have. When they are through nothing in the galaxy will be quite the same.