Growing up in white-bread Omaha, Nebraska, Rachel Shukert was one of thirty-seven students (circa 1990) in Nebraska’s only Jewish elementary school. She spent her days dreaming of a fantasy Aryan boyfriend named Chris McPresbyterian, a tall blond god whose family spoke softly in public and did not inquire after his bowel movements. She spent her nights frantically plastering her bedroom with pictures of intimidating co-religionists such as Henry Kissinger and Bette Midler, hoping to repel the Gestapo officers she was certain were lurking behind the drywall. Even back then, Rachel knew she was destined for greatness. After winning the Omaha Metropolitan Area Theater Arts Guild Award for Best Youth Actress–and imagining herself as the biggest talent to come out of Nebraska since Montgomery Clift–Rachel finally arrives in Manhattan. Intent on making her mark in the glittering world of Show Biz, she isthwarted at every turn by episodes of anorexia, verbally abusive sock puppets, and a certain terrorist attack you may have heard of. She nevertheless soldiers on, as her people have done from time immemorial. In this hilarious, mordant, and moving memoir, Rachel Shukert tackles topics as diverse and weighty as life, death, love, Jewish paranoia, and errant feminine hygiene products with a fresh and irresistible mixture of humor, brains, and candor, proving that having no shame can sometimes be a very good thing indeed.

Spanning 3 years, 23 countries, 45 cities, 31 flights, 15 bus rides, 5 ferry rides, and 9 train rides, this is the story of what happens when you learn you're never too old to run away.

Misunderstood and overmedicated, twelve-year-old Lilith Bloom finds the prospect of a grand family reunion decidedly dull... That is, until she discovers that the rose garden surrounding her grandfather's Berlin mansion is, well, completely and utterly carnivorous. Armed with Panther, her talking pet whippet, and the help of the mute boy next door, Lilith must unravel the secrets behind the mysterious estate, all while her family remains gloriously unaware that they are about to be devoured.

Florida Forest Service duty officer Ray Lumley is in love with a white fringetree. Not an I-read-Walden-in-high-school love; a sweaty, sappy, I-want-to-rub-against-you-'til-I-get-splinters love. It's awkward. So, he's relieved to learn that he's really hot for Trivia, the dreadlocked, radical environmentalist nymph who lives inside the tree. Better yet, she wants to share an eternity of Arcadian delights with him. But first she has to kill the man she holds responsible for a spate of forest fires--Ray's boss, a mid-level bureaucrat (and soccer dad) who she insists is the King of the Woods. -- King of the Woods, or Trivial Pursuit retells the myth of rex Nemorensis as an urban fantasy. Updates every Tuesday.

Now A Wattpad Featured Story... A collection of short stories where faeries good, bad, and just plain scary roam a world of Rock-n-Roll and Marilyn Monroe. ♛ CONTENTS ♛ 1. Truly Elemental // 1957 2. Barren // 1941 3. Red Cap // 1962 4. Dress Up // 1950s 5. Over Your Grave // 1956 6. The Bleeding Boy and the Bruja // 1946 7. Changeling // 1940s 8. Jack Be Nimble // 1950s 9. Drown //1958 10. The Dryad // Holiday Special

here is maë. girl. mortal. philosopher. harbinger of death. here is armie. boy. god. lover. armageddon. and here is the end of the world.