Gordon longs for the simple things in life. A job. A place to rest his head. Someone to love. The same things everybody wants. But being a zombie makes achieving any of these basics a challenge, even for a special “high functioning” zombie that hasn’t lost the capacity to think and feel. So what if he shambles a bit when he walks? Sure he's a little gassier than the average guy, but who hasn't let one go in the elevator? And yes, pieces of his body do occasionally fall off, but he can put them back on. It's not like he's one of the "groaner" zombies that shuffle about looking for brains to chomp on. But things could be worse. Gordon has a decent business going as a Zombie for Hire. Got a job too dangerous for an air breather? Clifford is your man. Toxic waste clean up? Done. Living crash test dummy? On it. Really nasty crime scene clean up? He’s your undead man. He’s even has a blind date coming up. It’s too bad good things rarely happen to good zombies…His new boss may have a secret agenda and the girl of his dreams has, well, character issues. But with the help of Penny, his funerary cosmetician gal pal, and Merl, his agent, he might just make it through to sunrise without someone planting a truncheon in his skull.

"Hello, thank yo-" "Yeah, yeah cut the crap. I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and garlic bread on the side." "Uh, ma'am.. We don't sell pizzas." "What are you talking about?" "You called the Taco House. We sell tacos." "...WHAT IS IT GRANDMA? YOU DROPPED YOUR TEETH IN THE TOILET AGAIN? Well, it seems like I've got an emergency to attend. Gotta go!" cover made by the lovely @write0013

"You're an asshole," I blurted. "You're such an asshole that your actual asshole is jealous." Silence. What the hell did I just say? Out of all the insults, I choose one that makes the least sense? Damn it, why couldn't I just have been born normal... Wait, never mind. Psh, screw sanity. "Can we keep her?" Tyler suddenly says, bouncing on his tippy toes. "Please, Keith? Can we keep her? Huh, huh, huh?" What am I, a pet? "Keith" whipped his head towards Tyler so fast I could've sworn I heard a crack. "Keep her?" he echoed. "No, Tyler, we can not keep her." Thank you. "She's utterly useless to us, and you want to keep her?" I gasped, placing a hand over my chest. Useless? Damn, these people are rude as hell. "But," Tyler whined, walking over to me. I tensed all over when he squished my cheeks together. "Look at how adorable she is. She's just so innocent... you'd never suspect anything bad from her." Keith expression changed, to one I knew very well from my experiences with Val. Lightbulb. "Tyler, you are a genius," Keith says. Tyler's hands stop squishing my cheeks. "I am?" "He is?!" everyone else says. Keith doesn't reply, just keeps on grinning wickedly. And suddenly I have a feeling that I am not gonna make it out of here alive. - WARNING: VERY CRINGE WORTHY MATERIAL NOW AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE http://www.lulu.com/shop/angel-zenith/the-gangleader-kidnapped-me/paperback/product-23087208.html Highest Rank: #1 in Humor April 19, 2015 CoAuthor: DreamCreature

A wolf doesn't always appear with pointed ears, ragged fur, or snarling fangs. Sometimes the wolf appears as a teenage boy. That's how it was for my wolf; a boy with dark, glinting eyes and a thirst for excitement. And I was the little girl in red, clueless and hopelessly in love with the wolf, until I realized - too late - that his sharp-toothed danger could swallow me whole. [This is my entry for @target's contest #OnceUponNow. It is based upon the fairytale Little Red Riding Hood. If you wish to support this story, please remember to vote on the first chapter (prologue) during the contest's voting phase - which begins June 14, 2016 and ends June 21, 2016.]

❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

❝Good morning. This is Target, how can I help you?❞ ❝Why do I have the sudden urge to kill my family?❞ ❝...Woah...well...shit. Ma'am, I think you dialed the wrong number.❞ ❝No. I dialed correctly. Are you any help?❞ ❝...No sé qué decir a esta chica loca.❞ In which a girl named Farah calls Target and meets a boy named Chance. Best Rank : #1 in Short Story (8/27/16)

(alternatively called: slow burn, second-hand embarrassment, and shenanigans) A girl made up of short fuses, clumsy feet and copious amounts of sarcasm has to team up with her irritatingly obnoxious neighbour in the name of love (also known as raging teenage hormones). Because in the grand scheme of things, what's a little deal with the devil? (Spoiler Alert: absolute chaos.) cover by xdemonsflowerx

Nancy Pang doesn't have a clue what love is. All she knows is that it's not going to help her win the Junior Mathematics Tournament, or get her into Harvard, or do anything except disrupt her college-prep life. Love is also not the solution to her brother's post-college problems, or her parents' constant fighting...(okay, maybe it is). And love certainly won't solve the issue of that annoying Alexander Lin who beats her in looks, popularity, AND intelligence. Unfortunately for Nancy, love is in the air whether she likes it or not. [Sequel to 'Heroes Deep Within' but can be read alone] Chicklit #6 on 5/27/15 *Beautiful cover by rancorr!

Elliot Jensen and Elliot Fintry have a lot in common. They share the same name, the same house, the same school, oh and they hate each other but, as they will quickly learn, there is a fine line between love and hate.

Leah Preston was a normal 17 year old girl, until she wakes up and finds herself staring at her own lifeless body. She has no idea what happened to her or how she died, and the only person who can see her is her sworn enemy Jared. Neither of them have a choice, they must put their differences aside in order to find out what really happened to Leah and how she died, or better yet, who killed her, while at the same time fighting each other and the feelings they are beginning to develop. ©makeandoffer