She was invincible and unfixable. She was the woman you'd been warned about since you could walk. She was the smile that robbed a million dollars, and twice as many hearts. {Written 2013.}

We never say what we mean.

"Every fairytale begins in the rain." When you run into an old bookshop in the middle of Paris to escape a storm, who knows who you might meet there. {Written 2014.}

“but i must admit i miss you quite terribly. the world is too quiet without you nearby. i go to bed early and rise late and feel as if i have hardly slept at all.”

louist91: I kinda really wanna suck your dick louist91: no homo tho ••••• {HIGHEST RANKING: #3 in FanFiction}

A quiet afternoon is infinitely more interesting when you add a young man who claims to be a time-traveler, a half-completed shopping list, and an unhealthy amount of sarcasm. {Written 2014}

A young man and a woman sit on a hilltop, doomed to watch the same scene play out before their eyes again and again. For how long? Until they remember. {Written 2013.}

WHAT IT TAKES TO RESCUE THE PLANET: one very potent unseeing sorcerer, one botanist doubling as a syndicate branch affiliate, one particularly curious, fair human sidekick, and a knack for magical ass kicking.

“i give a fuck. i give a lot of fucks, actually. i'm a prostitute of feelings.”

They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)