HumorMeh
16 stories
Hotline Launder | ✔ by taledust
taledust
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"Quick Clean Laundry! When it's dirty we make it clean, this is Melissa speaking." "uh...." "Hello?.." "I asked a cute girl her number and this is what she gave me" #3 in Short Story [8/1/16] Book One From Texts and Calls Series © Copyrights Reserved
Teen Helpline [#1 of the Helpline Trilogy] by dariamorgondoffer
dariamorgondoffer
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❝Hello there, this is Teen Confessions Helpline, what's the problem? Feel free to confess anything you like and we'll be there to help you every step of the way!❞ ❝I know this is heavy but I've been feeling like I kind of...want to kill myself.❞ When Damien Carson, a depressed lonely teenager, calls a teen helpline to find one reason not to kill himself, he meets optimistic and bubbly Harry Potter fangirl Eva Adams. And in a series of phone calls, fangirl freakouts, promises, weird slash fanfictions, and bondings over Harry Potter puns, maybe he'll find a reason after all. a story about heartbreak, suicide, depression, love, friendship and two misfits that fits together like torn halves of a love letter.
Once Upon a Bathroom Stall by hyrule
hyrule
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❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx
Breakup Helpline [#2 of the Helpline Trilogy] by dariamorgondoffer
dariamorgondoffer
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[sequel to teen helpline] ❝Hello, this is the Breakup Helpline, designed and manufactured to cater to your brokenhearted needs. How may I help you?❞ ❝My girlfriend...just cheated on me. With my best friend.❞ ❝Um..uh, hold on...oh, fuck! There's nothing on how to respond to that in these answer sheets!❞ ___________________________________________________________________ When happy-go-lucky Theo Hastings discovers his best friend has been fucking his girlfriend behind his back for the last six months, Theo's whole life has been careening on the rocks- until his cousin, Damien Carson, forces him to look for help on a helpline- a particular helpline call the 'Breakup Helpline' and there he meets sarcastic, cynical realist Serena Adams, who doesn't believe in love at all. And maybe, just maybe, Theo can change her mind. this is a tale about the hopeless romantic and the skeptical non-believer, the idealistic sentimentalist and the bitter soul, and how fate brings them together.
The Starbucks Hotline by extrachipper
extrachipper
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❝Hello, this is the Starb-❞ ❝HEEELP ME!! PLEASE! THERE'S A MURDERER IN MY HOUSE!❞ ❝OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT FREAKING 911. WAIT, HOLD ON. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE, I'LL CALL 911!! STAY CALM. IT'S GOING TO BE O- ❞ ❝Wait...did you just say Starbucks?❞ ❝Um...yeah?❞ ❝They have a hotline?❞ ---- fun conversations between two Potterheads over the Starbucks hotline. [highest rank: #6 in short story] [highest rank: #2 in short story 5/6/17]
The Troublemaker's Ghost | ✓ by queenofpizzas-
queenofpizzas-
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What would you do if your apartment is haunted by a smoldering hot ghost, who is planning to make your life a living hell if you don't move out? RUN! But Grace Summers is determined not to. Possibly because she's broke and her only choice lies in living in her father's apartment. In one night everything changes for Grace. Her boyfriend cheats on her with her best friend and not only that, she discovers herself being haunted by a devilishly handsome delinquent ghost. (As if getting cheated on wasn't enough!) Unfortunately, putting up with an arrogant entity isn't her only problem. A/N: This book isn't meant to scare you but I can't make any promises that you won't be smitten by a ghost. Highest rating: #1 in Paranormal, #13 in Romance Cover by: @Deadrot Trailer by: @marquietta (Previously known as: "Living With The Troublemaker's Ghost")
Shoot The Jerk by TheStupefying
TheStupefying
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This is the one where the principal gets his jollies by recruiting two stubborn violent know-it-alls for an assignment that ends up in...well, you know. But before we go there, you also need to know that: (1) Jake Kincaid harbors a completely rational, completely justified amount of dislike towards Kayla Jackson. (2) She hates him because he's being mean. Now, if only them teenage hormones got that.
When Trouble Meets Trouble by istolethecookiez
istolethecookiez
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After an amusing banter at the library with a mysterious guy, Savannah hopes that it's the last she'll see of the bickering boy. Come to find out, he's a new student at her school who just so happens to be a junior, much like Savannah. He feels the need to stick around her even though she is the target for childish rumors, gave him the wrong number purposely, has all the comebacks for his pickup lines, tried to run him over with her car, constantly embarrasses him, and repeatedly tells him to 'get lost' or 'shove off.' During their many adventures, not only do they get into many bad situations but they make a few enemies along the way. Will his determination to befriend this stubborn girl spark a friendship between the two or a special kind of hatred? <><><> WARNING: I wrote this story when I was fetus- even more fetus than I am now. I was thirteen and I finished it two or three weeks after I turned 14. That means that this story has grammatical errors. So please, read at your own risk. --- I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THE PICTURE IN THE COVER. I SIMPLY SLAM DUNKED SOME WORDS ONTO IT. I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE. I SIMPLY FOUND IT ON APP.
Top Bunk by gutless
gutless
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A BUNCH OF STUFF ELIZABETH ("please for the love of god call me El") THROPP DOESN'T EXPECT: 1. Her mom signing her up to be a counselor at her old summer camp ("I don't care if it's for extra credit, mom!"). 2. That children are this annoying ("no, you can't have another stupid cookie"). 3. Sharing a cabin with Grace Upland ("who's like, a total bitch"). 4. (Sure as hell) that she really doesn't mind it ("like, at all"). 5. Something else, but that's for later. [6. this story to be riddled with typos. seriously. it's blinding. read at ur own risk]
Nerd Alert | ✓ [SAMPLE] by saintc
saintc
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[THIS IS A SAMPLE] Read the full story on Radish fiction. The link is in my Wattpad Bio. ---- Alexander isn't your typical nerd. He'll say what he wants, do what he wants, and verbally bash you while doing it. That's what Travis, a soccer player assigned to be tutored by Alexander, hates most about him. Confusing feelings, a drunken party, and a month of tutoring was all it took to get Travis to realize he was head over heels for the sharp-tongued Alex. Now, if only he knew where Alex's sarcasm switch was.