Warning: This book will make no sense to the average reader. It's a book full of inside jokes and the crazy antics I get into work my friends. I hope they enjoy.

"Take it! Just take it!" I demanded in annoyance, springing my whole body out as I tackled Harry from behind. "For the tenth time I don't want your stupid virginity!"

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

[EXCERPT - FIRST 5 CHAPTERS] THE FULL BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE IN STORES AND ONLINE! Never trust a guy in spandex. In Abby Hamilton's world, superheroes do more than just stop crime and save cats stuck in trees - they also drink milk straight from the carton and hog the television remote. Abby's older brother moonlights as the famous Red Comet, but without powers of her own, following in his footsteps has never crossed her mind. That is, until the city's newest vigilante comes bursting into her life. After saving Abby from an attempted mugging, Morriston's fledgling supervillain Iron Phantom convinces her that he's not as evil as everyone says - and that their city is under a vicious new threat. As Abby follows him deeper into their city's darkest secrets, she comes to learn that heroes can't always be trusted, and sometimes it's the good guys who wear black.

PERSONAL ASSISTANT NEEDED. People skills optional. Ability to take drink orders preferred. Personal mode of transport a MUST. To Reply, Contact Dr. M's home office: 1-555-TRBLE-4-U (Idiots and those prone to knock-knock jokes need not apply.) ◎ ◎ ◎ Nobody in their right mind would respond to a help wanted listing so vague. Enter, Robin Banks. The wacky exploits of a narcoleptic super villain and his reluctant sidekick. [COMPLETED FIRST DRAFT - #22 in Humor on 4/12/15]