"Police! Open up!" I yell, banging again. I steel myself as this time I hear the locks click-clunk and see the door pull back slowly to reveal a half-naked blond bear of a man, who fucking towers over me. He's standing, blocking the doorway, with a frying pan in one hand and an aerosol can in the other. His face is flushed, his chest heaving with exertion, eyes wide with adrenaline, and his bare torso is glistening with sweat. He adjusts the grip on the pan and I see the muscles of that arm ripple underneath the monochrome sleeve that adorns it. Shit. Why the fuck did I not call for back up? (Aka the failed one shot. From the ship that sails itself.) Some content is mature. Caution advised, but specific trigger warnings will be given where appropriate. Note: AWOOGA is used to label the dirrrrrrty chapters.

AU one-shot. Scott writes commercial jingles and Mitch sings for him.

Scott and Mitch reunite in New York for some kinky fun.

"Bye sweetie!" Mitch closes the door gently, leaning back on it to give it the final push it needs to click. He takes a breath, his smile slipping from his face as he presses a hand against his armpit. "Ow! Fuck! That really fucking hurts! Fuck! FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!". Scott's leaning against the inside of one of the doorways off their entrance hall, watching, amused, as he sips from a glass of wine that seems to have spontaneously appeared in his hand. A lopsided smirk appears on his face. "Know any other words Melissa?". "Fuck off Silvia", Mitch glares. ------------------ Amazing cover by @PTX-soprano

Happy Valentine's Day! Little one-shot about this snap.

This is the sequel to wash me over until my well runs dry, which in turn is the sequel to this don't even feel like falling. It's not required that you have read either of those first, though you'll certainly get more out of this story if you do. If you choose not to, just go into this one with the knowledge that Scott and Mitch are already in a relationship, and at one point as teenagers, Mitch had a crush on him. Title from Beyoncé's 1+1. Again, all usernames are fake and not meant to portray any real people in particular. Well, except maybe one. fictionalcandie's notes: I don't have a lot of excuses. I don't have any, in fact, I'm going to sit here with my lack of excuses and blame duvalu for this, it's her brainchild anyway. I'm just sorry it took so long to finish. Hopefully it's worth the wait! duvalu's notes: You guys. This took over a year to write. What. I hope everyone recognises themselves (*raises hand*) in this, hah. Enjoy. Bring your own holy water. Happy Monday.

Mitch takes a much-needed break from family time at Christmas to go clubbing and hopefully find a hot hookup. He wakes up the next morning with no regrets, save one.

Mitch is too exhausted to participate.

A collection of mature oneshots inspired by pics or tweets or my own random brain, mostly Scomiche. And a reminder that just because a story or scene is mature, doesn't mean it's devoid of characterization, development, or value. Pretty new cover by Ehcimocs

This was originally posted on AO3 on New Year's Eve 2015. fictionalcandie's notes: All blame for the conception of this fic goes to duvalu. All I did was write, uh, a few words to go with it. Everybody shout out to her for doing real actual writing for the first time in years, though!! So proud of her. ♥ duvalu's notes: "A few words" = 98% of this including all the good bits, because fictionalcandie is the best and does stuff like this for me despite not even really being in this fandom. <3 Super fun to write and I love what we ended up with. (Oh yeah and while this is fiction and not at all reality? If you're here because you googled yourself or someone you know, please do us all a favour and back away slowly.)