Highest Ranking: #1 in Humor [FEATURED, SEPT-OCT] An idealistic poet refuses to budge from the last parcel of land a developer needs to acquire in order to build a shopping mall. (Literary satire with pop culture references and environmental themes.) synopsis: The Myth of Wile E. is a riff on the modern obsession with fame and acclaim, as well as a mediation on the artist's place in the modern world, as seen through the eyes of a naive poet who is made simultaneously pathetic and heroic by the pursuit of a singular goal. In this novel, we meet an assortment of eccentric monomaniacs, from mushroom hunters in search of a legendary truffle, to birders pursuing a possibly-extinct bird, to competitive Duck Stamp artists, to "the World's Foremost Living Statue"...and even a very stubborn spider. Meanwhile, our narrator--a terrible, yet persistent, poet--battles a ruthless land developer who's determined to acquire the poet's humble property, in an escalating battle of wills that spirals out of control when the media gets involved. With these quirky events as a backdrop, we gradually learn of the misfortunes that befell each member of the poet's family in their various misguided quests for glory. We also learn why money makes the world go flat, why talent is a white elephant, and what it means for parents to love their children "to pieces." Some of my influences are Richard Brautigan (especially), Christopher Moore, Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Robbins, and George Saunders, so if you like any of them, I hope you'll enjoy this, too.

* 4 Sample Chapters * Inquisitive heir, Charlie Fine's obsession with the truth makes him an excellent fraud investigator, but there's one mystery he's never been able to solve: the identity of the girl who gave him the greatest kiss of his life during a high school game of 7 Minutes In Heaven. Twenty years of experiments attempting to recreate the chemistry of that kiss have gotten him nowhere but frustrated and he's about to resign himself to a life without relationship fireworks when an invitation to his high school reunion steels his resolve to get answers once and for all. Accompanied by his binge-drinking best buddy, Martin, he heads home to grill his lovely suspects only to find his skills better put to use in solving the disappearance of an old friend's father and the sabotaging of a maple farm. Thwarted by a shady detective, distracted by a former classmate's troubled sister, will Charlie be able to find out who done it and who done it best? Will the same suspect hold the answers to both mysteries and will her identity be that of the dream girl he let get away? Who kissed Charlie Fine? You could skip to the end, but you'd miss more bear attacks, booby traps, pickled cabbage, flying cardboard, dry lightning, ghost parrots, creepy crawlers, maple syrup and tea cozies than in any cozy mystery about smooching you've ever read! Please know this story contains mild cursing and three F bombs - one of which is totally necessary. *Cover art uses "On-De-Fence" by Gil Elvgren which is to the best of my knowledge in the public domain. *No part of this story may be reproduced or used in any manner without express written permission by the author. © All Rights Reserved

A girl discovers the danger of being rude to a mirror.

The first short story I ever sold, way back when I was 23 years old. I dredged it up from the depths of the internet, as all other traces had long since vanished from my hard drives.