So you're ready to assume some responsibility and apply for your first job (or your fifth job or your fiftieth job) and you want some tips on writing a good resume, huh? Well, are you are in luck because 1) I've edited and proofed so many resumes I could probably write one for each of my friends without their input and 2) I've actually taken some classes on this shit. So, basing this primarily on comments I've made while correcting someone else's resume (and while looking at my own for reference), here are my tips on writing a resume.

Okay, so when applying for jobs, you're generally going to need 4 things: 1) a completed application, 2) your resume, 3) a cover letter, and 4) a list of references. The application you need to do on your own and it's just filling in boxes, you can handle that. Resumes I've already covered! Now, it's on to the joy absolute gut-wrenching hell that is writing a cover letter.

Good news! You applied for a job and your application and your fanfuckingtastic resume have successfully caught someone's eye and HR has set up a phone interview. What can you do to turn that into a real interview and advance to the next stage a la reality TV?