Just random things that I feel need to change. Or such. trigger warnings: swearing

They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

Spray Painted Bananas is a romantic comedy about Amber, a broke temp working in a catering firm in London, who after one too many evenings scrounging free wine from wacky art gallery openings with her best friend Farrell, decides there’s no reason she can’t become a conceptual artist herself. A chance meeting with the wealthy, young art curator, Elliott Frinton-Smith, sets things off in a desirable direction. Now all Amber needs is a brilliant idea to grab the attention of the nation. Spray Painted Bananas explores love and ambition with the touch of the absurd and plenty of bananas. It is OUT NOW published under the title THE TEMP by Harper Collins.

London socialte Zara is in the gossip pages again, but this time she's gone too far! To her horror, her father ships her off to Africa. But what Zara thinks will be a relaxing Safari full of mud wraps and days at the Spa, soon turns into her worse nightmare when she's put to work. Not only does she have to contend with scrubbing toilets, but Riaan the game ranger is also rubbing her up the wrong way. (And not in the way she'd like... not yet!) But her nightmare is just beginning, and her whole life is about to change.

Some opposites attract; some rip each others clothes off. Stormy-Rain and Marcus are polar opposites: she's a free-spirited, Tarot card reading, rainbow-haired hippie; he wears a suit and tie, and over-shines his already too-shiny shoes. She believes in ancient aliens, crystal healing and auras; he's governed by law and logic, and doesn't believe in Fate. But Fate believes in them...So what happens when their worlds collide and disaster strikes? When they're thrown together under strange circumstances and embark on an epic road trip to catch a plane to a wedding a long way from home? The clock is ticking...and they are seriously ticking each other off. But they're about to discover just how thin the line is between love and hate.

(#1 ChickLit) Annie is having a very bad day! First, she walks in on her boyfriend having sex with another woman (the kinky kind), then she accidentally gets arrested and loses her job. Unfortunately for Annie, her very bad day lands up turning into a very bad year. So when her sister invites her on Holiday to Mauritius, she jumps at the opportunity to get away from it all. But her holiday soon turns into a nightmare when she discovers her ex and 'the other woman' are staying at the same resort. #Anniesbigday Enter Chris, a cynical screenwriter with a bad case of writers block, who agrees to play her 'pretend boyfriend'- so she doesn't land up looking like the single, lonely, pathetic ex.

(*Now an Amazon Bestselling eBook*) Sera's usually a good girl. (Except for that one wild night in the backseat of a stranger's car!) But what happens when that stranger turns out to be a bad boy- not to mention her new boss? And what happens when he wants more than one night...and won't take 'no' for an answer.

(#1 ChickLit) WARNING: Being left at the altar in front of 500 wedding guests may lead to irrational behavior, causing you to go on your honeymoon alone. Other side- effects may include very bad hair, getting arrested, setting yourself on fire, landing up on a "Missing Poster" with the same bad hair and unexpectedly falling in love. BEING PUBLISHED SOON!

He needs a wife. She needs the money. The playboy prince needs a respectable girl to play his doting fiance for the weekend. If he doesn't convince his parents he's a changed man, he can say goodbye to his crown and inheritance. Enter Jenny, an actress who has just been hired to play the role of her life. Especially since she doesn't like him. But soon the two find out that they will need each other in ways they never thought possible.

THANK YOU, Wattpad, for the HQ Love Watty Award! Concept: A mysterious young woman flees from her troubled past only to discover it is impossible to escape THE SECRET that haunts her. *PLEASE NOTE: This story was originally inspired by the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy". * * * * * "I would never, Steven," she promised, turning away from him in an attempt to protect herself. "I know you wouldn't," he screamed. Cupping her chin in his hand, he forced her to look at him. "Because I would kill you." His words hung heavy in the air. Sarah's heart sank into her stomach. No matter how many times she'd heard the menacing phrase, she could never get used to it. It had the same affect on her as the first time he'd thrown the ugly words in her face. The familiar sting of bile rose in her throat, and she knew she would deplete the contents of her stomach once she was locked in the safety of their master bath. 'If I make it through this time,' she agonized. Her biggest fear was that one day he would really lose his temper with her. Who knew what would happen then? *This story is an unedited first draft. Top Ranks: Action #1, Mystery and Thriller #1 *This story contains scenes of abuse and may be disturbing to some readers. While the characters are fictional, domestic violence is a serious issue that many people across the world face. If you or someone you know is the victim of abuse, please seek help immediately. Notice: This document is not authorized for upload or use with artificial intelligence systems or platforms. Any attempt to upload, analyze, or process this content using AI technology is strictly prohibited.