CURRENTLY BEING RE-WRITTEN AS PART OF THE "HOW NOT TO VAMPIRE" SERIES) It's the week from Hell as Bob tries to save his ex-girlfriend Jaime from certain death... by turning her into a vampire. Needless to say, she doesn't quite agree with this plan and what follows is an epic journey in the making as Bob and Jaime try to track down the one vampire who might know how to turn Jaime back into a human. Oh yeah, and Bob's sometime-stalker-ex-girlfriend Beatrice is trying to kill them. Book 1: SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE Book 2: SO I'M A VAMPIRE... NOW WHAT? Book 3: SO YOU USED TO BE HUMAN Book 4: SO YOU WANT TO KILL A VAMPIRE (now in drafts to return in Fall 2019?) Wattpad original: SO YOU MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE (799K reads, featured, #2 in Humor) ########## This was originally Book 2 of the series, but it's now Book 3 since SO I'M A VAMPIRE... NOW WHAT has been created to be Book 2. We've done a bit of editing and SO YOU MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE is now two books instead of one. Unfortunately, this means that Book 3 (this one) is finished before Book 2. So if you;re confused, sorry. If you're willing to wait a year and read the new book 2 first as it comes out on Wattled, then kudos to you, but to be honest, this book is awesome, so go ahead and read it now. Or not. Entirely up to you. Hilarity? Hell yes. Vulgar humour and excessive use of all examples of vulgar language that Bob can think up? You got it!

Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.

Satchmo Turner is a failed private detective from the rusting heart of the Black Country who is reeling from the loss of his sister and fiancee. He's going nowhere at work, and treading water in life, until he picks up a simple missing person case and stumbles into something much bigger. Satchmo soon finds himself in over his head and embroiled a hunt for ancient treasure, unrequited love, violence and murder in a quiet English village stocked with a cast of characters he could never have imagined. Praise for Quid Pro Quo from Wattpadders: "Damn you for writing such a good book. I'm dead serious when I say you should look to get it published." "Overall, I think it's a great book and something I'd expect to see on a shelf in a bookstore somewhere." "I read another chapter and devoured the whole damn thing over an afternoon." "All-in-all the book was thoroughly enjoyable and very professionally written. Definitely better than almost everything else that I have encountered on Wattpad... it was a compelling read." "Your style of storytelling is lovely to read. I'm trying desperately to convince my husband to sign up to Wattpad so he can read it too."

Nerdy Dakota Evans makes the biggest mistake of her life by falling in love with her best friend, Aaron Ford. Despite coming from entirely different cliques in school, will their relationship have a chance? *** In a high school where everyone belongs to cliques, nerdy and boyish Dakota Evans' friendship with basketball jock, Aaron Ford, becomes a big issue. Aaron's highly protective of Dakota and doesn't realize that she's in love with him. With their friendship eventually going on the rocks, will Aaron finally realize his true feelings for Dakota before it's too late? [[word count: 90,000-100,000 words]]

"Who are you?" the supervillain asks. His breathless voice is surprisingly soft. I slam my hands on either side of him, leaning in so close my nose touches his mask. I'm the taller one. "It's 'Please Don't Kick My Sorry Butt,' but you can call me 'Too late, I Already Did.' " And I have to admit, that one I'm a little too proud of. ***Hey, hey! Now a Wattpad featured story!*** The superheroes are gone. For as long as Monet can remember, a league of superheroes has guarded her city. They were the citizens' idols, guardians, and best friends. Then, only months ago, those same heroes poofed, leaving the population at the mercy of a supervillain known as 'Masquerade.' As teen reporter and self-proclaimed defender of truth, justice, and the American way, Monet Jackson vows to do anything to find the heroes. And that "anything," unfortunately, includes taking a dip in a vat of toxic chemicals, being fired, and being hunted by Masquerade himself. But someone's gotta protect the city, and she might as well write a blog about it. *** WHAT'S INSIDE: 1 Kick-butt heroine +1 Love Triangle... or ...Love Quadrilateral... or... Love Dodecahedron +School Drama +Action Sequences +Too Many Puns +Plot Twists + Cliffhangers *** COMPLETE

[i have a second art book up, this one is closed and inactive now! go check out the other one for newer art and art trades/requests !!] back at it again at krispy kreme- Or, the one where I try to art and fail miserably. • • • DISCLAIMER: most of this will be fanart, so uh... I don't own the franchises they belong to? xD NOTES: nearly all of these will be traditional and uncolored, so if you want any digital and/or colored art, y'all gotta let me know. :)

Ari Callahan has no idea how to talk to boys -- or how to talk to anyone for that matter. Enter Zac, the cute new guy in town who won't stop texting her. But is his interest real, or does he have a hidden agenda? ***** Found as a young child washed up on the beach, 17-year-old Ari Callahan has never uttered a word out loud to anyone -- not even her adoptive family. Psychologists have diagnosed her with a condition called selective mutism, but Ari can't help identifying with her namesake character, Ariel, the little mermaid in the fairytale whose voice was stolen by a sea witch. Mermaid-obsession aside, Ari's silence makes socializing tough. She's never had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date. Not until Zac, the confident new arrival in town, asks for her number. But Zac has his own reasons for texting with Ari. He's part of a movement to sabotage the artificial music app called SirenSong, threatening to render human singing obsolete. Zac's collaborators have scoured the globe in search of a singing voice perfect enough to break the SirenSong spell, and their search has led them straight to Ari's beachside town. Will her relationship with Zac help Ari find her voice and unlock the secrets of her origins? Or will he use her and leave her high and dry? Title: Ari and Zac (formerly The Mermaid Hypothesis) Content Warning: This story contains references to selective mutism, suicidal thoughts, and early childhood trauma.

Wrestling team captains Max Desera and Axel Cortés must settle their long-standing rivalry - but a different kind of fire may ignite between them. ***** The school decides it will only keep one of its two male wrestling teams, adding fire to the cutthroat rivalry between the two captains, Max Desera and Axel Cortés. Axel sees Max as undeserving of the title, but when Max, who is proudly bisexual, finds out that Axel is closeted gay, their dynamics begin to change. Things heat up before the tournament when a terrible incident of foul play occurs, forcing the two sworn enemies to suddenly rely on each other - but this time, the heat feels different. [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Seventeen-year old pizza delivery boy Joe Smith lives a simple life - he has a bike, a job, and a crush on a girl. That's about it. He doesn't have dreams beyond working on the family farm and continuing to live in the same rural community in which he was born. Until one night when everything changed. After finishing his shift at the pizzeria, he heads home, riding his bike down a lonesome stretch of highway. Guided by the dim glow from the moonlight and a small light affixed to his helmet, he battles fatigue as he struggles to peddle the long distance home. When a strange object flies overhead fast and low, and crashes into a neighbour's cornfield, Joe is quick to investigate. Thinking it was a small plane or a downed satellite, Joe rushes to the scene of the crash. What he discovers is far beyond anything he has ever seen or even imagined before. The strange craft is definitely not from this planet. Hiding among the tall stalks of corn, Joe watches with caution as a mysterious being crawls out from the rubble. Alien, aliens, area51, artificialintelligence, space, farmboy, future, environment, society, ufo, humanity, conspiracy, smalltown, urban, wattpadstar, wattpadstars, alieninvasion, alien-abduction, AI....

This is a story told through a toddler's point of view. It's loosely based on my three year old son's adventures.