"Orange lillies are said to represent passion. I just want you to know that I hate you with a burning passion." - In which a sarcastic, sassy and undeniably heartbroken boy who goes by the name of Archer Giovani buys flowers for his cheating ex-girlfriend everyday according to his different emotions in the shop Elnora Constantine happens to work in. Highest ranking: #43 - 8/2/17 - SS #50 - 5/2/17 - SS #55 - 2/2/17 - SS #304 - 11/4/17 - H

Sam is the most promising swordsman among this year’s crop of Paladin trainees...and knows it. Brash, cocky, and unbeatable with a sword (well, almost), Sam is the kingdom of Thule’s best hope against the violence wrought by demons. The only problem is that Sam is really Lady Samantha, daughter of the seventeenth Duke of Haywood, and if her father has his way, she’ll be marrying a Paladin, not becoming one. But Sam has never held much interest in playing damsel-in-distress, and so she rescues herself from a lifetime of boredom and matrimonial drudgery. Pity that Tristan Lyons, the Paladin assigned to train her, is none other than the hero of her childhood. He hasn’t recognized her as Lady Samantha--yet-- but if he does, he’ll take away her sword and send her packing. Sam is not the only trainee hiding secrets: Braeden is a half-demon with a dark past that might be unforgivable. Sam, Braeden and Tristan set out for the western coast, charged with rooting out an infestation of demons that has made the West unlivable. As they travel, they uncover a deep-seated corruption of power that threatens to derail everything they stand for. Rebellion stirs, led by a rival faction of warriors who tempt Sam to join them with an irresistible offer. A war between men is coming, and Sam must pick a side. Will saving the kingdom cost her life -- or just her heart? Reminiscent of Mulan, but with a medieval fantasy twist, Paladin is a tale of adventure, action, and romance.

WARNING! Please be advised that this is not a bedtime story about sparkly fairies and pink unicorns. This book may contain graphic descriptions of poisoned apples and witches' ovens. It is not appropriate for supernatural beings under the age of 377 (excluding vampires and werewolves). DISCLAIMER: Wicked Witches Inc. and Evil Stepmother Enterprises are not responsible for any maiming, mass murder or permanent insanity resulting from the reading of this book.

"Great power comes with great..." I raised my eyebrows at Guardian, looking his skin-tight suit up and down. "Urges to wear spandex, apparently." "Are you using altered famous superhero comic book references to insult me?" he asked incredulously. I snorted. "You bet your fucking ass, I am." *** Crown City has all the typical big-city flare. There's a McDonald's on every corner, enough carbon emissions to end life as we know it, and a new supervillain trying to take over right before finals week. For Tessa Kingston, Supers are nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, Tessa likes to pretend that Supers don't even exist at all. Though Tessa isn't exactly shy with her not-so-popular thoughts on Crown City's resident vigilante, Guardian, he seems to have taken a liking to the annoyed teenager. Well, he and his buddies have, that is - buddies meaning two supervillains dressed in Walmart Star Wars masks. Crown City has always been a center for mayhem and superpowers, but when strange things start happening too often to be coincidences, Tessa finds herself in the middle of a fight she didn't start but she sure as hell was going to end. Villains torment her. Heroes try to save her. Tessa just wants to pass Supers 101. In a world full of Supers, it's up to normal-teenager Tessa Kingston to save her city. A typical tagline she's well-aware of, of course. As Tessa prepares to show these Super-fools they messed with the wrong girl, she just has one condition: There's no way she's wearing spandex. *** BOOK #1 OF THE "SUPERHEROES SUCK" DUOLOGY Featured on the Wattpad Adventure, Action, Superhero, and Humour profiles! WARNING: Contains mild swearing, cliffhangers, plot twists, and enough sarcasm to last a lifetime.

Heroes. Ever since they showed up, people have gone soft. They're adored, worshipped. Devotion is showered upon them like rain. It's about time someone knocks them off that pedestal they stand on, someone to crush their pillars of faith. Someone like me. A villain. It's perfect. I'll be the undoing of heroes. ≠ disclaimer: very much needs to be edited, very much needs to be less corny and very much needs to be entirely rewritten by me. if you approach it as a goofy, corny, old 2015-esque superhero book then it'll be a great time. i'll be honest and say there are no pulitzers here. completed ✓ highest rank in sf: #9 cover: @narwhelly