BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC by WhatMurdah "In my humble opinion there's only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic." And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three. When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt's controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other-their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press. Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione's attention and pines for a real marriage with her-even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco's blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body. (With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson's career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione's Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco's right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.) NOTE: this is not my work i just know people like reading it here better than ao3

How did it feel? It felt like he was barely holding it together. She, of all people, should shun him. Or yell at him. Curse him. Spit at him. Take out her wand and blast him off the face of the earth. It was crushing guilt and relief and confusion all at once when he looked at Hermione Granger. The monotony of Draco's daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing morning coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence. Hermione is living her life in fragments, separate pieces scattered about, and she can't find a way to step back and let the full picture form. Why is morning coffee with Draco Malfoy the only thing that makes sense anymore? *cover art created by @eternallyreadinggoodthings

COMPLETE. Hermione convinces Draco to spy for the Order and she becomes his handler. But what are Draco's true motivations? Hard to say when he's still figuring that out himself. WINNER: 2022 Top Dramione Fics on Reddit 4th Place Wartime 2nd Place BAMF!Hermione .............................................................. Draco cut her off before she repeated the question. "Granger, you may have my wand, but you're not in control of the flow of information here. It's not your life on the line." Granger bristled at his assertion. "My life is on the line every day." "So. Is. Mine." He growled at her. "Give me my fucking wand and don't be so bloody obvious when you contact me." She narrowed her eyes at him. "I already told you I'd be more careful next time." She better be. "One more thing." "What, Malfoy?" she said impatiently, still angry that she hadn't gotten the information she wanted. He pointed his finger at her so she would understand how important this was. "You need to learn Occlumency. If you're captured, I'm dead." She stared back at him defiantly. "We both are." He couldn't argue with that. She tossed his wand to the floor and Disapparated with a crack.