"Sure, it was robots this time. But who's to say that it won't be zombies next time? And when the zombies do come, who's going to be ready for it? Me." - Marietta "I mean, like, say what you want about the robots, but at least they weren't gross!" - Lila Welcome to the long-awaited sequel to the irreverent and uproarious 2015 Watty Award-winning EVERYONE DIED + MY iPHONE STOPPED WORKING! It's been three years since humanity was *almost* wiped out and the lucky survivors are now breathing easy, confident that they no longer have anything to fear from murderous robots. And indeed, they do not. But unbeknownst to them, there is another extinction-level threat on the horizon. It's a ferocious new enemy... and it smells terrible. Cover art courtesy of my ridiculously talented friend Dave Pressler. http://www.davepresslerart.com

Forced to share his bed with an attractive stranger, Ash Jamieson suddenly finds himself confronted with feelings he thought he'd repressed. ***** Riddled with adolescent angst, lavished with profanity, and adorned with more cheese than your favourite take-out pizza, Top and Tail chronicles the life of Ash Jamieson as he haphazardly navigates his way through malicious schoolmates, whackjob teachers, disillusioned parents, imbecilic athletes, audacious girls, and of course, his most pressing problem: the subdued pretty-boy that has suddenly invaded every aspect of his life. Being a teenager is hard, ok? ***** Top and Tail is posted exclusively on Wattpad! If you're reading this elsewhere, you're reading an unedited, stolen version where illegal sites profit off my work :( The official version is FREE to read at it's home on Wattpad! [Featured in Teen Fiction 2016] [Completed 2011]

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

Oh hi

This is an article I wrote about my personal struggle as a person with DID (dissociative identity disorder) who was misdiagnosed for nine years before finally getting a proper diagnosis.

WATTPAD ORIGINAL EDITION After Ryan and his best friend are whisked away to a top-secret wizard school, they'll discover immortal demons, new powers, acceptance, and love. ***** After they are brutally assaulted by a gang of bullies, high school outcasts Ryan and Alison decide to perform a vengeance spell on their tormentors. But when the spell only triggers a mild earthquake, they find themselves whisked away by the Marduk Institute, a mysterious organization claiming to be a school for wizards. However, there's more afoot at the Institute than meets the eye. With their old lives gone, Ryan and Alison begin to learn that a little love can go a long way in a desperate situation, but what will happen in our magical coming-of-age love story when an unstoppable foe begins stalking Ryan in his dreams? [Content warning: This original edition of IAGW was pre-sensitivity read, so the story contains instances of violence against LGBT and some homophobic and transphobic language.]

The Giant war is over and Percy Jackson is spent. Finally there's a chance he can be with Annabeth for a while and he eagerly awaits the summer they have planned together. But when Hecate shows up and sends Percy on a new quest, it could be the by far stupidest thing he has ever done. He must be the new teacher at Hogwarts. Harry Potter has been attacked by the Ministry and Dementors. If that wasn't enough he now has a new teacher. But he is like, a 17 year-old kid. Who looks a lot like him. It's Harry's 5th year and he is now a nutter to the wizarding world. So when he sees the kid show up at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, he starts thinking he might actually be mental. The new kid turns out to be a teacher. The teacher of DADA. But Umbridge is still there- as the High Inquisitor. It seems she watches the new teacher-Professor Jackson- a lot more than the others. Something is off about him. And the Golden Trio always tries to find out what.

Valentine's day. Two Boys. Ice Cream. And the Apocalypse: The perfect setting for the perfect love story. [ Valentine's lgbt+ story competition by @taygetsthegay]

A loner boy who swears a lot Dakota gets a roommate that turns his life upside down. Will it be good or bad read to find out.

When the boy with no hopes meets the girl next door, everything changes. ____________________________________ Dumped right before summer break, and stuck in the middle of a heat wave. Truth be told, things weren't looking too peachy for newfound-pessimist, Lee Valentine. Constantly on the move, courtesy of the tangled condition of her family- Harper Harte found she did not have the time, nor regard, for more than her outspoken attitude and frank quips. So when Harper finds herself holed up in the small, middle-of-nowhere town of Pearsons, Indiana, mingling with the boy below becomes a new means of entertainment. So when the boy with no hopes meets the girl next door, everything changes. ____________________________________ formerly titled: the girl on the 16th floor trashy cover: by yours truly highest rank: #25 in Love; #10 in Summerbreak status: ongoing