Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.

❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

WATTPAD ORIGINAL EDITION Island princess Yenni is searching for a way to save her father's life, but a handsome yet infuriating shapeshifting dragon becomes an unexpected distraction. ***** As a princess of the Moonrise Isles, Yenni is all-but-engaged to the prince of a neighbouring tribe. She knows it's her duty to ensure peace for her people, but as her father's illness steadily worsens, she sets out on a sacred journey to the empire of Cresh, determined to find a way to save him at any cost, even though failure could mean the wrath of her gods and ruin for her people. One further complication? On the day she arrives at the Prevan Academy for Battle and Magical Arts, she meets an arrogant dragon shifter who claims she's his "Given", or destined mate. Muscular, beautiful (and completely infuriating), he's exactly the kind of distraction Yenni can't afford while her father's life hangs in the balance. But by rejecting him, is she fighting her feelings -- or her fate?

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

*Wattys 2018 Winner / Hidden Gems* CREATE YOUR OWN MR. RIGHT Weeks before Valentine's, seventeen-year-old Kate Lapuz goes through her first ever breakup, but soon she stumbles upon a mysterious new app called My Dream Boyfriend, an AI chatbot that has the ability to understand human feelings. Casually, she participates in the app's trial run but finds herself immersed in the empathic conversations with her customizable virtual boyfriend, Ecto. In a society both connected and alienated by technology, Kate suspects an actual secret admirer is behind Ecto. Could it be the work of the techie student council president Dion or has Kate really found her soulmate in bits of computer code? She decides to get to the bottom of the cutting-edge app. Her search for Ecto's real identity leads Kate to prom, where absolute knowledge comes with a very steep price.

{COMPLETE} {EDITING IN PROCESS} Ashley Winster, an alternate persona of what the world expects her to be. One who never follows rules, skips detentions, and shoots up rude comebacks. Always having her father to encourage her, her mother whenever needed and her loving ten-year-old brother was enough to complete the needs of her life. Now that her mother was on her deathbed and her father being professionally redundant, Ashley relies on her passion for earning her family a living. Will she be able to take care of her brother without him knowing about all of her dark secrets? Will she be able to protect him? She's disguised in a boy's attire. She's in her skirts. And she's in her gloves. Cover made by the wonderful @forcade Highest rank: #1 in action - 18/03/2016 *~Featured Book In Action~*

WATTY'S 2017 NEWCOMER AWARD WINNER: What would you sell yourself for? Madeline knows. She's spent the last eighteen years impatiently waiting for her Auctioning so she can sell herself to MERCE Solutions Limited for a hundred thousand credits. But when the Auctioneer fails to call her and two suits show up at her doorstep, Madeline discovers there are far worse bargains to be made. So when your loved ones are in danger, there's a bounty on your head and your entire city might turn out to be a lie... what would you sell yourself for? "An action-packed cyberpunk thriller in the vein of Phillip K. Dick." ~ KISA WHIPKEY, REUTS PUBLICATIONS "A book that shakes you to the core and makes you take a close look at the world around you." - A DROP OF INK REVIEWS Updated every Wednesday and Saturday (Australian Time). Published under the pen name Lee S. Hawke and available in full on Amazon, iBooks, Kobo and Nook.

Antonio Martinez has a hard time fitting in. For one, he wasn't born in the USA and as a result, has a funny accent the kids at school made fun of. New money was looked down on in his private school, and so the former top of the class had it out for him for stealing her spot. Antonio didn't think things could get any worse until his mother asked the son of her long-term boyfriend to keep an eye on him and his siblings - in other words, become their permanent babysitter. And that was how Antonio's social life was completely ruined.

[IN BOOKSTORES AND KINDLE UNLIMITED NOW!] What if you were matched with the original love god? --- When Lila goes to the Cupids Matchmaking Service it is to tell them to stop spamming her. Instead she finds out that cupids are real, she has been matched with a dangerous love god, and that he is coming to find her. Soon arrows fly, myths are awoken, and Lila finds herself part of a deadly supernatural war that could cost her her life, and her heart. Perfect for fans of Percy Jackson and the Vampire Diaries. --- THE PUBLISHED VERSION OF CUPID'S MATCH IS OUT NOW! READ IN KINDLE UNLIMITED! Get your copy of Cupid's Match at bit.ly/CupidsMatch or follow the link in my profile!

Jeffery is sick, sea sick. After a mysterious creature from the depths saved him from drowning, Jeffery just can't seem to keep his head out of the water. Bound in lust and put in a compromising situation, Jeffery makes an astonishing decision to go forth to find this merman. Cover by @coxkora