I had survived the first. That was then; this is now. The blindfold of so many pills slowly died away and first though my finger then my head, a passion, a hurt and a need filled me as every moment was consumed with words; every breath with wisps of ink. But they were not all captured and somewhere in the deep abyss of living, lies the unspoken, almost unfelt feelings of decades in months. This is the half-empty account off all those nights from December through into the new year and the end of March. ...I pains me to share it. But it also makes it just not my problem anymore and that is something I long for- freedom and peace. Please note that all grammatical and linguistic, as well as those in punctuation and spelling or placing of words were intentional. If you LIKE this and want me to write a commentary on each poem and picture (as in my previous collection Apfel), please show me in comments and votes :) PLEASE DO NOT COPY any of the poetry or pictures.

Every word was drawn out of me like a hot wire- some fast, some excruciatingly slow. This collection is very personal to me... Apfel (the German word for apple) marks the beginning of a stage in my life: depression. October to November 2017. This was not about...me; it was all about the other side: the change, the loss, the gathering tidal wave and - and the inevitable. "It's better than keeping it all bottled up"... they say. "You have an outlet" safe; not their responsibility. But they don't think you understand... I bottle it up in poems. Each one charged with aeons of hurt. Each one pushed under the carpet. I always hide away and run from my problems and when I face them create a greater mess than before. That's why I never read them over...until now. Please note that all grammatical and linguistic, as well as those in punctuation and spelling or placing of words were intentional. If you LIKE this and want me to put together my other poetry and pictures as the journey continues, please show me by voting (I might consider adding the other- more sensitive- poems in another volume) and commenting your feedback. PLEASE DO NOT COPY any of the poetry or pictures.