They're worlds apart, and this isn't high school, so how the hell did a homeless female writer end up renting a billionaire's mansion? And - hold your breath - becoming his fake girlfriend? ➳ full blurb inside ➳ first reached #1 in humor on july 6, 2015 ➳ first reached #1 in business on august 29, 2023 ➳ winner of best humor book in the fiction awards 2016 ➳ featured by cadbury (marvellous creations) and secret lives of the americans (pivot) P.S. This is a SATIRICAL BILDUNGSROMAN. Proceed with caution. (cover by @glueeater)

// LONG TIME, NO SEE: Levi x Reader, Modern!AU // We met in the orphanage. You looked so unapproachable, so rude. But, as all stories go, it wasn't as it seemed. We became quick friends. Best friends, even, though you wouldn't ever admit it. But we both knew it. And even though you always looked angry and you hardly ever smiled... Everything was great. We were fine. We were alive, we were wanted, and we were happy. But you were adopted, and I was left on my own. You left me all by myself. You promised me something the day you left. You promised me that we'd find each other again. This time though, it'd be on the outside of the fence we weren't ever allowed out of. I miss you already. It's been a while since I've heard your voice. Do you still remember mine? Do you remember my name? Someone mentioned your name. Maybe it was only someone who shares your name, but maybe, just maybe, it's you. But... do you even still consider us friends? Am I still someone to you? Levi... we finally found each other again. It sure has been a long time, hasn't it? // DETAILS: // Welcome to LTNS! This modern AU sets the scene in an orphanage. Originally written in 2015 when I was in middle school, it was reworked to better represent who I am as a writer. If you've read it before, I'd love for you to read the updated version, but the original sits at the latter half of this book - it is completely untouched, and it is the exact same as it was when I originally wrote it for those who would like to read that version. This story is tagged as mature for its language and for mentions of blood, scars, nonconsensual touching, etc., so beware if any of these are triggering to you. There is also sexual content in the story. This story's MC (Y/n) will be female with she/her pronouns.

[SAMPLE] Reed frowned, his eyes filled with confusion when he saw that Lena seemed to be fine. "I heard a scream," he announced stiffly, standing awkwardly over Lena's bed. Beneath the sheets, Lena was torn between renewed arousal and slight mortification. Embarrassment won. "Everything's fine," she muttered, trying to discreetly disengage the battery-operated toy from between her thighs. It was a thick phallus, way too thick to silently exit her wet pússy, but finally, finally, it popped out. "But you screamed." "Because I came, Reed." His bewilderment only grew. "Came where?" And that was when Lena knew that even after what had happened between them last night, Reed was still like a newborn, an innocent. He might have been the most intelligent guy she knew but in many ways, he was still the boy he'd been before the accident that had marred his life. So she heaved out a sigh, clamping her thighs together when she felt his gaze scorch her damp skin. "I had an orgasm, Reed." She calmly spelled it out, wondering if she should mention that it was his cock she'd been imagining inside her. Now that she knew what he was packing, it was impossible to get the image out of her head - not that she was trying. Reed swallowed, a blush creeping up his neck. Lena was instantly turned on by that blush, by his obvious discomfort and arousal. So she did the most natural thing that came to her. She pulled her sheets away.

If only we were blind. The world would be a better place. But instead the world is colored with the blood of the innocent and conquered by the evil of monsters. He was a monster in disguise. She was one of the innocent. And being in this colorless world, the poor girl didn't see it coming.

4 years after graduation, 22 year old Clark Gonzales has had the time of his life in New York City. Playing football for his career with a 3 year old son and pregnant wife by his side, Clark thinks his life is complete. But on the other side of town, Brenda and fiancée Omar are living it up in a higher class neighborhood. Omar playing basketball at his college professionally and Brenda working at New York's finest hospital, making their life successfully planned for. The only problem is, Clark and Brenda still think about eachother yet, don't have any contact. Tragic happens to Clark as he's playing at a huge game and sends him straight to where Brenda works. Will the two reconnect old flames, or ruin their own relationships and families? Story told in both pov's.