Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!

An Amazon Breakthrough Novel Quarterfinalist, Death by Haggis is a tongue in cheek detective novel inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the "opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." Until the day Jane Hamchester walked into his squalid office, the highlight of Detective Sam Barlow's life had been a particularly good tuna sandwich. Now he is charged with trying to save the life of the only woman he ever, uhm, thought was really swell. His only problem is that there are no clues, other than the nonsensical utterances of a dying man. Barlow's desperate search takes him first to Scotland and then to the Aegean. But time is running out. Not only for Jane but for the human race. Barlow's only possible hope lies at the bottom of an ancient cavern, a remnant from the time when a different kind of human populated the Earth, a kind of human that could have saved mankind. Alas, they are long extinct. Or are they? ****************************************** Death By Haggis: What people are saying ... "What are you staring at?" Chelsea Pennybaker "Jay Cutts does for fiction what Dave Barry does for gourmet cooking." St. Louis Blues Dispatch "What more compelling metaphor for life itself could there be than a mysterious white leviathan and the mindless drive of a nearly ruined sea captain to track it down and destroy it? Oh, wait. You mean this book?" Denver Postit "This is one of those books that you know immediately could be an instant classic if millions of people all bought it and liked it and it got a lot of publicity and then they made a movie out of it." George W. Bush "The humor of Edgar Alan Poe, the refined taste of William S. Bourroughs, the punctuation of e.e. cummings. This work contains it all, but I forget on which page." The Milwaukee Braves "If Jay Cutts is not yet [in] an institution, he should be, and soon." Better Homes and Gargoyles "Cut it out, will ya." Chelsea Pennybaker

Jay Z. Catsby throws the sickest parties on the Jersey Shore. His neighbor Dick has heard all the rumors: Catsby killed a man. He's richer than Blue Ivy. He's Hugh Jackman's butt double in the X-Men movies. Nothing can prepare Dick for the strange truth: Catsby is a furry who spends his days and nights in a cat costume, pining away for Dick's cousin Dandelion, a manic-pixie dream yuppie living in Park Slope with her brutish husband. Against everyone's better judgment, Catsby begins an affair with Dandelion that may cost him all nine of his lives. A new serialized story from the author of the Wattpad sensation "Gone Grey," which was named one of Buzzfeed's "19 Wildest Fanfics That People Couldn't Stop Reading in 2015."

*********Wattpad Featured Story********* Ever wondered how many sacrifices a cheerleader must make to stay beautiful and popular? You have no idea!! This story highlights the blood, sweat, and tears of just a single week in this barbie world. Especially blood. Lots and lots of blood. This is Scary Movie meets London Tipton meets Barbie. take note : plot holes and blonde moments will occur!!

Every city has its claim to fame and for the city of Cytropolis it's their superheroes. But unlike the cities of Gotham and Central City, this isn't a good thing. Cytropolis is known far and wide as the city with the clumsiest and least influential superheroes ever. But it never mattered that much since the super villains were just as bad. That is, until recently when the villains decided to smarten up and open a super villain academy to train the newest generation (something that never occurred to the heroes). Luckily for them, Matt Miller has arrived. He may seem like an average, normal (even bordering on boring) seventeen-year-old boy, but when are things ever what they seem? He may be apathetic and bitter but he has super powers and he's kind of, well, powerful. He's the heroes only hope against the newest villain in town, Sinister Shadow, and he has no choice but to lend a hand (but he refuses to wear tights while he does it, he draws the line at tights). And with Matt's help (along with his little sister turned sidekick), the heroes just might win. *cover by @soundthealarm*

A'ishah is not your typical spoiled-brat princess. She's mean, she fights a lot, she says whatever she wants but deep inside she's just fragile, she don't want anyone hurting her or any of her loved ones and yes, she do have a heart. Chad is not the typical bad boy one. He's mean but he's sweet. He's a jerk but he's easily hurt. He's a pain in the ass but he's loyal. He do fight, but he fights for what is right. He fights if it's needed and he fights for the one he loves. These two teens was brought together by fate, made them happy and tested how far their 'love' for each other can go. Will these two be able to make it through the pain, the tears, the challenges of fate and the non-stop fight? Or will they be forever torn apart? So let me ask you, how many times will you be able to love someone who's hurting you over and over and over again? (c) SweetPeach Completed: November 07,2013