My name is Mary Sue and I'm the ugliest girl you'll ever meet. I have horrible tan skin and ugly blonde hair that reaches my butt. My butt is really big and I have huge boobs. How uglier can I get? Did I mention that my pet turtle died in a car crash when I was 14? I'm 17 now, and this is my horrible life. Oh, my parents are also super rich. (Everything in this story, besides this right here, is a part of the act. The comments I make, the things in parentheses, authors notes, everything is meant as a joke. If you comment and I respond, it will be a joke. Please criticize this marysue making whore. Enjoy.)