I'm not going to be a saint and say that everything that went down that night was without doubt,mostly my fault. I'm not going to say that it was not my fault either. What I am going to do is stop beating myself for something that happened years ago. What's done is done,and I can't change that. But not everyone can live with that fact. Maybe that's why he came back. Because he felt my consistent ache and guilt for the past year was not enough. He's mere presence was enough to invoke that familiar guilt,unease and agony I felt not long ago. And now I'm back to square one-where I would do anything possible to make the feeling dissipate. Even if it includes losing everything. With all that said,I believe that my stupidity does transcend cognitive understanding . Because who in their right mind falls in love with someone who is trying to ruin their life?!!

Her name was Bernice. Yep. You heard me right. Nothing special. Not an enchanting name like Astoria,not a sophisticated one like Elizabeth. Just butt plain Bernice. Her name would put a plain piece of paper to shame. It was painfully plain. Just like she was. Chocolate skin,curly black hair,5'4,hell she didn't even know what body size she was. What she did know was that she basically looked like any average girl alive. And she was content with that. But then she did know Bernice had one problem. It was her standards...in men. You see one who drowned herself in books every single day mostly because of her personality type(INFJ) was destined to have high standards in men even though the said person looked like someone who would fall over and die in a less than second because they looked like they lacked protein. That didn't stop her still from being so damn picky. Bernice had told her she had been in one relationship. It was the worse mistake of her life,she proclaimed. She kissed the dude once and it was sloppy,disgusting and anytime she thought of it she wanted nothing less than to stab herself over and over again for doing it. Over exaggerated?? Probably. Maybe that's why she considered her. Because she was dramatic also. So when she said she'd choose this girl not only because she loved books and was a hopeless romantic with unbelievably high standards. But it was that: 1.She visited my library always and was the only human she,Nadine adored. 2.Since she had her nose buried into most of her books everyday,she knew how her writing style went and could almost predict how most of her books would end. She knew this because she sometimes read her mind as she read. 3. She didn't have anything to lose leaving this world behind. Nadine didn't think any orphan did.