❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

"You've reached Westerden Ski Lodge, how may I be of assistance?" "Hey, can I rent some snow boots and skis? Maybe even a girlfriend, if you've got any in stock." "Awesome, do you want to order a life along with that? The gift wrapping's free of charge." "I'll take what I can get." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #5 (13/02/17) © 2016 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"This is Westerden Optometrist. What are your symptoms?" "For starters, my eyesight has been super blurry and distorted, and this problem is starting to screw up seventeen-year-old life. Speaking of which, you sound kind of young for an optometrist. How old are you?" "Um, I don't think it'd be the greatest idea for that blurry eyesight of yours to be treated by a guy your own age." "My own... oh no." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #4 (03/04/16) Wattpad Featured Story (July 2017) © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

❝hey, sweet cheeks❞ ❝do i know you?❞ ❝damn, i'm offended after all we have been through❞ ❝wrong number?❞ ❝try stolen number, babe❞ in which a boy steals a girl's number from his friends phone. ________________________________ highest ranking: #eleven in short story lowercase intended

in which a famous football quarterback decided to break up with his girlfriend over the phone. the girl who answered wasn't his girlfriend. • "Hi, this is-" "I want a fucking girlfriend." "..." "..." "Well, as far as I can remember, I'm not an escort." • #30 in Featured as of July 8th 2018 #5 in Light Romance as of June 24th 2018 #1 in Light Romance as of May 14th 2019 #22 in Short Stories as of 26th August 2019

"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #1 (19/04/18) 2016 Fiction Awards Finalist © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"Why are there so many hotline stories on your website?" "...Excuse me?" "And tech support stories. Nobody falls in love with the tech support guy at Best Buy, let me tell you that." {highest rank: #17 s.s.} ||cover by -riparian || NOT AFFILIATED WITH WATTPAD

[COMPLETE] A story of a girl who had a massive crush on a heartthrob high school rock band leader Kyle Hogan. Her life turn upside down when she received a text from an unknown number who admitted to be her secret admirer. Me: I understand why you're ignoring me Me: I'm going to slide out of this conversation Me: love you Me: okay bye Me: sorry again Unknown number: Was your father a thief? Unknown number: 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes © 2015 Tattoo Heart #1 in humour | [18.06.2018] ***[ON EDITING]*** **PLEASE BEWARE OF TYPOS AND GRAMMATICAL ERROR**

"This is happy helpline, think happy thoughts." "No." "No what?" "No happy thoughts." ©2017 janaebello All rights reserved