You were just a young teenage girl who knew nothing but black leggings, gray sweaters, and white privilege all her life. But after your mother sold you to System of a Down in exchange for weed money, everything changed. Now you live a life of drugs, rock and roll, and inter-generational trauma from the Armenian genocide. How does it end? Read to find out! - A satire of the "Sold to One Direction" trope. Crack with plot. Rated mature due to (comedic) violence and foul language.