"What makes you think you're already in love? You haven't even met that Zero." Natawa naman ako sa kaibigan kong si Leigh habang inaayos ko yung sintas ng sapatos ko. "Why Leigh? Do you fall in love at first sight? Hindi naman din di ba? Saka sabi mo, fall in love with the character. That's why I think I'm falling for this Zero." "You don't even know him yet, Van." "Exactly. Kaya nga ako naeexcite e. It seems that we don't know each other yet. But we can already feel the connection as if we've known each other for a long time." Natahimik naman ito doon. Pagkatapos ay sinimulan na din magpalit ng jersey. "Just slow down. You might find yourself breaking. Mamaya gamitin ka lang nyan." Umismid naman ako. "Gaya ng mga exes mo? Y'know what's wrong with you, Leigh? Pinangungunahan mo lahat. That's why no one can keep up with your standards." "Hey, I'm just saying if what if he's a psycho? A stalker? A hooker?" Tumawa naman ako dito. She's really paranoid. "Just step out of your safe zone, Leigh. You're already missing the most exciting part of life." "Slowing down isn't always bad, Vanilla." "Yeah, but look at you. Seriously? Continous failed relationships?" "Ikaw din naman a. Why aren't you finding the right one yet?" "I already found him. That's zero. I can feel the connection. He guesses everything about me perfectly. Like all of my favorites and quirks that only you and the girls can tell." I gave her an elated smile. "So, back off. And just be happy for me. Okay?" "What if that's a stalker or a paparazzi that already run a background check with you?" "Ang negative mo, Leigh. Seriously, just fall in love and get a life." Ngumiti ito ng nakakaloko. "Okay, so what will you do if that Zero is a girl?" Natigilan naman ako. "You're not Zero, are you?" "Of course not." Nakahinga naman ako. "As long as it's not you, I'm okay." "Why?" "Because I don't want to end up with a puppet like you. Yikes! A barbie doll of everyone."

"You may not want to be in my head. You might find someone other than myself that you won't be able to forget. It'll haunt you like a nightmare you can't tell. " "Silly. What's in that tough demeanor, ate Cray?" tumawa lang si Ember at kumapit ulit sa braso ko. "I like you. That's enough right?" Napailing na lang ako sa inaasal nito. If she'll learn our history, she'll then understand. Pinalis ko yung kamay nitong nakakapit na naman sa braso ko. "Compose yourself, Ember. I don't like you. You're just like a sister to me. Someone I had to protect with my life." I caught the way those words cut through her. It's visible in the same set of lifeless coal eyes that I am most familiar with. "Bakit?" I stared at her blankly. "Atleast tell me what you don't like about me." "That's exactly why it hurts the way it hurts." Napangiti ako ng mapait. "You have too many questions, too many words, in your head. But those will be left unsaid. Like me, you have to suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much every single day of your life. It hurts like hell." "Damn you. I like you." "You like me for what?" "You. You're not like everyone else. You're so sure of yourself. You're clever. You're self-made. You're everything. Everyone likes you. So you should be mine." I laughed at how shallow those things meant for her. Someone who can't even meet me in the depths of my shattered soul. "Thanks. But those are all my disorder." As i was about to turn my back, she whispered, "I actually feel sorry for you. You still don't know what it was that you even had. And yet still choose to lose. But one day, you'll see me for who I really am. And you're going to hate yourself for turning me down." No, Ember. You're wrong. I know you. You don't know me. Our past will surely haunt us. For you, I'll just be a girl known by everyone. But in fact, known by no one. It's terrible isn't it? The way we throw people away. ****

I looked helplessly, trying to search something aside the hunger-filled lust in the eyes of the rich filthy people cowering me. Something that could save and take me away from these predators ready to eat their prey. No matter how much i want to run, my arms are tied. The strong, narrow, capsule-shaped metal that held my body firmly in place makes my hope vanish in vain. As I am losing hope, that's when I met that cold lifeless coal eyes that seems to grew darker as it turned in a darker shade of the midnight. "Five million!" She raised her hands in the air. Making everyone to look at her. "Seven million!" The guy in black-suit smirks, making his maniac face uglier than a duck. "Eight." "Eight and a half million." "Ten million." another one stands up on his chair. Making a good run for this auction. The first guy grits his teeth. Obviously triggered by the last guy. "Fifteen million." he announced. "Twenty." "Twenty five!" No. I'm doomed. I've got not enough money to buy myself out of here in case I will be sold at any amount higher than fifteen. Who the hell spends twenty million just for a night? Damn rich people! My savior stands like a princess as she says, "Guess, I'll have to make it fifty million." Literally, there's nothing but silence after the last bid. Everyone is shocked. "Fifty million for a night with that woman. Anyone who want to raise their stake?" she asked again as if daring anyone to bid higher. All I could hear is the loud thumping of my heart as the guy in red, nods and mark me SOLD. As he took the gold collar that was thrown to him--marking me hers. Damn it!

"You're my betrothed." "Naliligaw ka, Miss." Inis na isasara ko na sana yung pinto ng humarang sya doon. "I don't think so. You're Terry Alcatraz right?" Terry has never been terrified all her life, ngayon lang. As she is now standing infront of a Goddess in the form of this woman with 5'10 height, pinkish white skin na hindi yata sanay sa araw, ash gray hair, at yung malalamlam na mga mata na akala mo laging inaantok. Am I still dreaming? "Sino ka ba?" "I'm your betrothed." Hay nako. May baliw na naman na naligaw. I pity her. Maganda nga. Baliw naman. "You got it wrong. Babae ako, Miss." Tsk. Bibigyan ka na nga lang din ng kapareha. Babae pa na mas maganda sayo at may saltik sa utak. Where's justice? "No. I'm in the right place. We're engaged." "Baliw ka ba?" Asar na tanong ko na sa kanya. Nauubos na ang pasensya ko dahil inaantok pa ko. Nagtatakang tiningnan ako ng mga matang kulay tsokolate na iyon. "Me?" Hinagod pa ako nito ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. "Shit, why am I trapped with you? I wonder. I could have atleast chose a better one. My toenails is way more appealing than you!" Ano daw? Sa sobrang inis ko ay hindi ko napigilang hubarin ang suot kong house slippers at batuhin sya niyon. Sino ba naman ang hindi maiinis? Kagigising mo lang ay may kakatok na sa tapat ng pintuan nyo para lang mangtrip. Pagkatapos sasabayan pa ng panglalait. Tila naman umurong lahat ng tapang ko ng mag angat ng tingin mula sa tsinelas na tumama sa pisngi nito ang babaeng iyon na may pares ng kulay tsokolateng mata. She gave me a chillin' smile pagkatapos ay dinampot ang tsinelas ko saka ubod ng lakas na binato din sakin yung tsinelas ko. Fudge! My pretty face! "There, we're quits. That's what engaged people do. They give and take." pagkatapos ay ngumiti ng pagkatamis tamis na akala mo santita. "Hmm. Bakit parang mas maganda pa sayo yung slippers mo? You could have bought a face too." Ano daw? Papatayin ko talaga tong baliw na babaeng ito. ***

What we have is just now. As long as she loves me. As long as she wants to be with me. As long as there is 'we'. I love her! But the rainbow is not just a blend of vibrant and bright colors. It doesn't even stay for a long period of time-- just enough for us to see and in a fleet of time is gone, leaving us wondering if it's real. A rainbow doesn't have black and white. It wasn't just like that. Same as love. Same as us. There were times that i want to give her up. Not because my love did fade, rather, my love is too much. Too much that letting her go is the only option left for her to choose me without hesitation, without guilt, freed of lies. I want her to grow, to weigh things as it is. I want her to make me feel that being with me is her choice. I want her to realize that i am hers and that she have to surrender herself to me as well. I want her to love me because that is the way she feels and not because it was the safest way. Being with her is paradise. It was a mixture of colored pastel. It was too vibrant to explain. But at a sudden twist of downs and ups, we are shaking. Loving her has become my weakness. The weakening thought of losing her when I fuck up is too much to run me insane. I'm overreacting perhaps. But being with her, means walking in a narrow-road of heaven. There's no security, no assurance. One wrong move, and I'll be slipping away. Just in the never ending pain of darkness, of solitude, of self-struggle. Loving her has become my addiction. I couldn't get enough of it. But so they say, what's too much can cause harm. Maybe I'm loving her too much that she finds it hard to breathe when i'm around. But yes, it is just a wishful thinking; things that I'll surely not going to say to her because i will never ever earn the courage to say so. We are just nothing but a 'fateful coincidence.'

"No! Stop!" I could see her fading silhouette. She keeps on walking away just like the way I dreamt of her every night. 'No! Please don't walk away. I need to see your face. I need to know your name. I need to find you.' But I know that it wasn't enough. If there's anything that she's good at, it is into dodging people away. "Please!?" I almost beg. "I need to see you. Just stop." I keep on running and chasing after her. But like in every dreams, she kept on slowly fading away. And I could feel the same emptiness within whenever I've dreamt of this. It starts with her fading hands. Like a human form that's painfully breaking into tiny crystallized pieces that's scattered into thin air, she's dissolving in an incredibly fast-paced. "No. Please don't!" I could feel the tears that's running down on my cheeks as I try to grab her fading hand. "No! No!" As if there's a heavy rock on my chest, my breath starts to heave. I could feel the hollow emptiness within and the contradictory feeling of being crushed beneath.

"Someday, someone won't be afraid of how much you love. They won't stay on the shore; they'll meet you in the depths."

At some point in my life, I choose to let go of her. And not because I stopped loving her, but because I had reached the point that I was drained and can no longer continue fighting for her when all she gives me in return is pain. It's not about asking to get my feelings reciprocated, I just realized that I deserve the same amount of love that I am giving. And it hurts to know that when I decided to let go, she didn't hold my hand to keep holding on. She never tried to fight for her place in my heart. -Hariette I'm not afraid of love. I am afraid to feel the pain. That's why I keep pushing you away. It's tiring. But I'm afraid that I will never heal and be whole again. Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you." -Candice Love turned to loved. Saying first hello's to saying goodbyes. I love you to I miss you. Promises turned into sorry. Love isn't fair you know? What we have is more than that. Ours may not be normal. But isn't this what everyone wants? Stable and secure relationship. I love you and you love me. We trust each other like no one else can. There will be no pain in our kind of love. -Alliston

"Damn that woman. She wasn't even nice to start with. Paasa!" Mula sa kinatatayuan ko ay napalingon ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses na iyon. Halatang lasing na. There's a 5'11 tall girl, with a glass of brandy on her right hand. Nakasandal ito sa pader habang nakatingin sa may gilid ng pool. She reminds me of Grant's height and Leigh's physique. Pati pormahan, Leigh na Leigh yung datingan. I was busy looking at her when she childishly sat on the edge of the pool. Tinanggal nito yung stilettos nito at walang pakialam kahit mabasa pa yung skirt nito habang nakaupo sa gilid. Her white long legs are exposed dahil sa nalilis nitong skirt. Out of my normal, I'll just let it pass. "I've been chasing her for two fuckin' years. But she's not even seeing me as her equal. It sucks." Seryoso. Lasing na talaga siguro 'to. Don't tell me babae talaga yung tinutukoy nya? Natatawang nilapitan ko tuloy ito. A small talk won't hurt right? "Hey, Are you okay?" Natigilan ako nang umangat yung kulay light blue nitong mga mata patingin sa akin. I'm not fond of blue eyes. But hers is as clear as a sky. She's still brimming into tears. "Get out!" Gusto kong matawa. Para talaga syang bata. It reminds me of my bestfriend. "What's wrong with you?" Inabot ko sa kanya yung white hanky ko. "Are you stalking me?" "No, of course not. Why would I?" "Hindi mo ako kilala?" I gently shake my head. "Sabagay. You look like a commoner." Tumingin pa sya sakin mula ulo hanggang paa. Fine, I'm wearing black fitted jeans, my casual white tees, and white sneakers. Kagagaling ko lang kasi sa hangar kanina. I just need a drink kaya naghanap ako ng may party. "Do you usually talk to a stranger?" tanong pa nito. "Of course. Talking to someone you do not know is relieving. Especially when you need to talk." Tumayo ito at lumapit sakin. Napatingala naman ako dito. "I don't need to talk. I need to prove something. Stay still, stranger." And then she kissed me. Fucks! What!?

And then my soul saw you and it kind of went, "Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you"