❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

"Give me ten days, and I can give you ten reasons not to die." Evan paused. "And if I can't change your mind by then, you can go jump off that cliff."

"It's not like you could do anything about Milo." "Who says I can't? I'm Batman. Give the signal and I'll fucking be there." A boy with a unique Batman obsession converses with a smart mouthed girl who has a thing for superheroes. + #10 in Short Story (dialogue category) *old story*

❝Hello, this is the Starb-❞ ❝HEEELP ME!! PLEASE! THERE'S A MURDERER IN MY HOUSE!❞ ❝OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT FREAKING 911. WAIT, HOLD ON. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE, I'LL CALL 911!! STAY CALM. IT'S GOING TO BE O- ❞ ❝Wait...did you just say Starbucks?❞ ❝Um...yeah?❞ ❝They have a hotline?❞ ---- fun conversations between two Potterheads over the Starbucks hotline. [highest rank: #6 in short story] [highest rank: #2 in short story 5/6/17]

"Anna dislikes being stuck three-quarters of the way down a chimney. She really does. Not to mention, she's still going round North America, and there's, like, three continents still to get through in about as many hours."

Violet Maverick had always harbored a crush for her best friend Finn Orland. But she knew better to keep it a secret when it came to Finn simply because they always worked so much better as friends. By now she’s forced herself to believe that Finn would never view the girl he used to see in diapers as girlfriend material. That is, until Finn decides he has a secret of his own that he’s dying to spill on the busiest night of the year for Violet: Christmas Eve. Working as one of Santa’s elves in the city’s largest mall during the holidays meant that Violet didn’t have time to go somewhere to “talk” like Finn wanted. Little does she know, Finn’s got a few tricks up his sleeves to make her ditch her post at the artificially snow covered house with Santa’s other helpers. Will Violet end up tangled beneath the Christmas lights with Finn by the end of the night? Or will she end up stuck beneath children’s grabby hands and broken tree ornaments before she gives Finn the chance to spill his secret?

Four weeks. That's all the time Victoria Hemmings has to fall in love. Or, at least, find someone who's willing to play pretend. When a girl on a mission collides with a boy desperate for a date, things seem to be looking up. But when lies and fake kisses reveal the truth that, despite everything, there's an unmistakable chemistry between the two, neither one knows what to do. Will they continue to play the game of cat-and-mouse, waltzing around the inevitable? Or will they finally give in to their fragile, paper hearts? 《SAMPLE》 ➵ NaNoWriMo 09 | TF WINNER OF "Best Writing" IN ABBAS 2017 FULL STORY EXCLUSIVELY ON DREAME

“Love’s like a bullet. It’s fast. It’s furious. Sometimes you can’t see it coming. You can run from it. But you can’t dodge it. Unless someone stands in your way…” Growing up, Callie Tollson had always admired her older brother, Clay, for being exactly who he wanted to be…despite the consequences he faced doing so. With their roles reversed, Callie had always been the one to stand up for Clay when he was in harm’s way. She always thought this was enough. She thought she was able to protect him. That is until he turned the tables and unleashed harm back on those who had done it to him. She couldn’t understand why, being the one who stood up for him the most, she was the one he picked as the receiver for the final bullet in his gun. Now she’s the most feared girl in school with a haunting family tie to keep her stuck in the halls of Riverton High. As she tries to survive the rest of her junior year as the sister of the boy who brought a gun to school, she soon realizes she owes nothing to the boy who turned on her and everything to the boy who saved her life.

Jared Steele had his whole summer planned out. Eat. Sleep. And eat some more. And he was more than fine with that. Just lazing about in the summer. What more could you want? Ally Cain is a total perfectionist and self proclaimed good-girl. When she finds out that a sudden move puts her original summer plans in jeopardy, she is completely thrown for a loop. She can't stand doing nothing and with a long, unoccupied summer ahead she's left with exactly that. But life hardly ever goes according to plan. In a sudden turn of events, Jared is forced on a road trip without a clue as to what in hell is going on and what he's doing. The unlikely duo cross paths and soon find themselves caught up in a mess of spilled cola, watermelon spitting, fat mechanics and annoying GPS systems. Sometimes things don't work out but, hey, that's life. And in life, sometimes you need to go for the detour.

Sick of cliché Wattpad books? Then this isn't the book for you. We take every single over-used plot, character and trope on Wattpad - from player-meets-nerd to my-boyfriend-is-a-vampire - and mash it all into one, awful, hilarious parody. NOTE: This is a parody. Characters have not been created to mock a race/nationality/sexuality, they have been created to lightly poke fun at the way certain teen fiction writers reduce them into crude stereotypes. Thanks for helping this pile of junk get to #1 in Humor!