"Sure, it was robots this time. But who's to say that it won't be zombies next time? And when the zombies do come, who's going to be ready for it? Me." - Marietta "I mean, like, say what you want about the robots, but at least they weren't gross!" - Lila Welcome to the long-awaited sequel to the irreverent and uproarious 2015 Watty Award-winning EVERYONE DIED + MY iPHONE STOPPED WORKING! It's been three years since humanity was *almost* wiped out and the lucky survivors are now breathing easy, confident that they no longer have anything to fear from murderous robots. And indeed, they do not. But unbeknownst to them, there is another extinction-level threat on the horizon. It's a ferocious new enemy... and it smells terrible. Cover art courtesy of my ridiculously talented friend Dave Pressler. http://www.davepresslerart.com

#86 in Short Story (7/11/15) Remember your "first time?" Well, I wish I could forget mine. As a Freshman in college, I met Carrie and we fell in love. We thought we were the perfect couple. We thought we would always be together. But after we decided to consummate our relationship, it all came crashing down. Bitterness and recriminations followed. Now, it is my college reunion and I find myself face-to-face with Carrie for the first time in twenty-five years. And I realize that I might have a chance to heal the wounds of the past... or possibly make them a whole lot worse. Switching back and forth between past and present, and told in first person, this is a work of fiction that is, as they say, "inspired by true events." New cover courtesy of Elicia Hyder, who just couldn't stand to look at the horrendous old cover any longer. *******PLEASE NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS SEX, PROFANITY AND ADULT SITUATIONS*******

#103 in General Fiction / #162 in Short Story Summary: When Robyn gets engaged to Brian, her second thought is "I love this man!" But her first thought is, “I have to lose weight!” So she signs up for an exclusive weight loss program called Tenacity for Women. They say that results are guaranteed. And boy, do they mean it. What follows is a hilarious odyssey of diet, exercise and madness!

Tom and I were childhood best friends. And were convinced that we were funny. So convinced that, when we grew up, we drove across the country to make our mark writing comedy in Los Angeles. And against all odds, we did. Until one day, Tom told me something about himself. Something shocking, something I never expected. A secret that would change everything. Our friendship had survived the hellish halls of High School and the cut-throat studios of Hollywood. But would it survive this? A work of fiction inspired by true events, "PRONOUN PROBLEMS" is the hilarious and heartbreaking story about what happens to a guys' friendship when one of them stops being a guy. (Cover by the talented and oh-so-patient @Lucyface, aka Lucy Rhodes.)

In the fall of 2007, a quirky, sensitive girl named Hannah had a crush on an insensitive jerk. And I was her father. In the summer of 1984, a quirky, sensitive girl named Emily had a crush on an insensitive jerk. And I was that jerk. Loosely based on a true story (well, several, actually) "The Idiot Who Ran Into A Tree" is a comedic, bittersweet tale of parenting, teen angst, summer camp and a quarrelsome oak. All the names have been changed. The nicknames, however, have stayed the same.

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

The global hit returns! Enjoy Season 2 on Viva One and revisit the original story that started it all. Pagkatapos ng mga pinagdaanan nila ng Section E, ang buong akala ni Jay-jay ay maayos na ang sitwasyon nila. Pero paano kung malaman niyang kasinungalingan lang pala ang lahat? Magagawa pa rin ba niyang patawarin ang taong nanakit sa kaniya o hindi na? Season 2 of Ang Mutya ng Section E *** Ang buong paniniwala ni Jasper Jean "Jay-jay" Mariano, unti-unti na siyang natatanggap ng mga tao sa paligid niya. Naging malapit na siya sa mga kaklase niya at kahit na nagkakaroon pa rin ng gulo, pilit nilang inaayos ang mga iyon sa abot ng kanilang makakaya. Pero nang malaman niya ang katotohanan tungkol sa mga itinuring niyang kaibigan at pamilya, tila gumuho ang mundo ni Jay-jay. Hindi na niya malaman kung ano nga ba ang totoo sa hindi. Ngayong puno na ng sakit at hinagpis ang puso niya, magagawa pa rin ba niyang pakinggan at patawarin ang mga taong nanakit sa kaniya? O pipiliin niyang lumayo na lamang sa mga ito kahit na napamahal na siya rito?

WATTYS 2022 SHORTLIST PAPERBACK PUBLISHED ON AMAZON $17.99 A body is uncovered in an empty classroom at Lincoln Lane Prep, West Jackson Boulevard, it's ruled an accident. A heroin overdose. The case is closed within a month. Holly Steinfeld already has enough on her plate with her parent's re-engagement, school, and settling into a town she once considered a distant memory. But who can resist a good mystery? Enthralled by the Leighton case-a teenage girl found drugged and dead on the night of her prom-Holly enlists the help of four unlikely kids and together, they find themselves digging into a world of lies, secrets, and manipulation to uncover what really happened to Scarlett on the night of her prom. Can she reopen a cold case and make it back in time for her parent's wedding?

Elliot Jensen and Elliot Fintry have a lot in common. They share the same name, the same house, the same school, oh and they hate each other but, as they will quickly learn, there is a fine line between love and hate.

Hadley Jamison doesn't know what to think when she hears that her classmate, Archer Morales, committed suicide. She didn't exactly know him, but that doesn't stop her from feeling like there was something she could have done to help him. So to Hadley's surprise, on the very night of Archer's funeral, she has a run in with Death himself and is offered the chance to go back in time to stop Archer from ending his life. The catch? She only has twenty-seven days to do it. And if Hadley doesn't succeed? Well, she doesn't want to think about that.