❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

It began at the grocery store when he caught me having a staring contest with an unlikely candidate. Then his sister shows up at my school, he shows up in the parking lot and then in my...heart? Wait, how'd he get there?

❝Hello, this is the Starb-❞ ❝HEEELP ME!! PLEASE! THERE'S A MURDERER IN MY HOUSE!❞ ❝OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT FREAKING 911. WAIT, HOLD ON. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE, I'LL CALL 911!! STAY CALM. IT'S GOING TO BE O- ❞ ❝Wait...did you just say Starbucks?❞ ❝Um...yeah?❞ ❝They have a hotline?❞ ---- fun conversations between two Potterheads over the Starbucks hotline. [highest rank: #6 in short story] [highest rank: #2 in short story 5/6/17]

See link for Official Book Trailer! ~ When you wake up in a village on the seaside for Pirates, tied to a pole, having just figured out you had been kidnapped, while the man who caught you is trying to sell you for gold, things get complicated. Luckily, or maybe it's unfortunately, you're bought by a young, good-looking, modest Captain who knows EXACTLY who you are. But what he's going to do with that knowledge, you're not so sure. ~ You, my friend, I am proud to pronounce as the Princess of Etholira. You are currently sixteen. And you get pretty much anything you want. And you're the prettiest girl in Etholira. Sounds pretty nice, right? Well, we need something for a story. So, sorry to break it to you, but your Dad, the King, is a bit of a jerk. You're betrothed to an ugly, inconsiderate asswipe. You hate being a princess. Oh, and you've just been captured by pirates. ~ Written: mid-High School 2017 Last Edited: mid-college 2021 Rated: PG13 for sexual references and violence (contains no sexual scenes, cussing is censored)