What do you do when your best friend could be the love of your life? Two alarmingly awkward, clumsy, sarcastic individuals bump into one another in a flower shop, and find that they're just as odd as one another. Told through nine moments, this is a story of life, love, friendship, and flowers. {Written 2016.}

Adam is a billionaire, but he is also secretly a billionaire. Did I mention he's a billionaire? Also he's hiding a dark secret. And then there's Kiera Renesmee Jermagesty McKenna Ricardo Rosa de la Montoya Ramirez, a broke waitress who struggles to feed her cheese stick addiction. What happens when their paths cross? How does one make a sandwich with no bread? Is it sexier to cry in Italian or in Turkish? Was there a table in The Lion King? Did they name the fruit orange after the color orange or did they name the color orange after the fruit orange? Read on to possibly find out. Warning: Reading this book may cause a loss of brain cells. Writing this absolute shitfest of a book caused me to drop at least 50 IQ points. Consider yourselves warned. Cover is by @panickedsociety (Highest ranks: #1 in Parody, #1 in satire, #9 in Humor)