"Give me ten days, and I can give you ten reasons not to die." Evan paused. "And if I can't change your mind by then, you can go jump off that cliff."

***Previously Wattpad Featured Story*** Meet your run-of-the-mill protagonist: Main Character. In this fantasy (spoof) of an epic adventure, Main embarks on a quest to conquer the world, guided only by the words of a drunkard, and a bolt of red lightning. It soon becomes clear that the twelve-foot troll travelling with him is only the start of his increasingly bizarre list of sidekicks. Rising to villainy is harder than it looks, Main realizes; plot twists give him vertigo, and hard work is migraine-inducing. But still, there's a world to conquer, fangirls to run from, and love to fall slave to. What could possibly go wrong? COMPLETED