❝hi this is Panda Express, how may I help you?❞ ❝can i have one order of general tso's chicken? hold the chicken, double the vegetables.❞ ❝how in the world is that general tso's chicken?❞ ☂ lowercase intended. story inspired by many others. ☂ -- just a pinch of love #1 -- #339 in humor 1/2/15

❝so my dad says you're the new waitress.❞ ❝yup.❞ ❝what's your name?❞ ❝reema, but everyone calls me reem. who's the guy on the phone?❞ ❝my brother.❞ ❝he's pretty cute.❞ ❝he's pretty taken.❞ -- just a pinch of love #2 -- #400 in Humor (6.17.15) #82 in Humor (3.5.16)

❝i've seen you around here a lot.❞ ❝i know this is the best starbucks around.❞ ❝aren't all starbucks the same?❞ ❝no other starbucks has a girl like you.❞ -- just a pinch of love #3 -- #118 in Humor (3.12.15)

"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #1 (19/04/18) 2016 Fiction Awards Finalist © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"This is Westerden Optometrist. What are your symptoms?" "For starters, my eyesight has been super blurry and distorted, and this problem is starting to screw up seventeen-year-old life. Speaking of which, you sound kind of young for an optometrist. How old are you?" "Um, I don't think it'd be the greatest idea for that blurry eyesight of yours to be treated by a guy your own age." "My own... oh no." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #4 (03/04/16) Wattpad Featured Story (July 2017) © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"You've reached Westerden Ski Lodge, how may I be of assistance?" "Hey, can I rent some snow boots and skis? Maybe even a girlfriend, if you've got any in stock." "Awesome, do you want to order a life along with that? The gift wrapping's free of charge." "I'll take what I can get." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #5 (13/02/17) © 2016 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"Hey, if there's anyone who could cook up a virus to start off this decade, it's those mothertruckers downstairs." "Well, let's hope those mothertruckers down there are wearing masks." "If not, I'll eat their souls." "That's not very social distancing of you." "I'm the king of the underworld, baby. It's my solemn duty." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - © 2020 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.