I have a soft spot for clean and funny jokes. Perhaps you do too. I have slowly been collecting things that I found particularly humorous. Most of these are not mine, although a few are. Some chapters are just images, and will have (images) in the chapter title. A new chapter every Monday. Enjoy. :) I kindly request that people refrain from swearing in my books. The English language is huge, and many other things can be used instead. I don't mind things like shit, blast it, or fuzzy bunny slippers, but I can't stand the f-bomb or when people insult female dogs. If people want to vent, why not do it more creatively? Nicky manages it quite well in The Virus Within. The lovely cover was made by @Ellie6880!

Back by popular request! The 2017 rough draft of The Virus Within! (Caution: Contains massive plotholes that were fixed in the polished The Virus Within Series. Grammar issues are present, particularly missing commas.) What do you do when you are one of the infected? The virus in my blood is trying to steal my humanity. It alters my very thoughts and reactions. It taunts me by tempting me with desires that it planted in my brain. These bloodthirsty desires would lead to my demise if I ever gave in. I have more in common with the zombies than with humans at this point. Even the fallen zombies accept me as one of their own. Blood is required to retain my grip on sanity, but the sweet-smelling blood from humans is a short path to madness. Human blood is to be avoided at all costs. Humankind around the world was driven close to extinction by the sudden appearance of the zombies, yet small groups of survivors constantly manage to appear and put my control to the test. -------------------------- This is a standalone zombie book. It has nothing to do with A Different Virus. I wanted to try a book with an easily irritated main character and a nutcase secondary character. This book has a slightly darker outlook at the beginning than my usual stories, but it has some humor further along. Definitely not a horror story, although it has its share of action. 4 updates a week: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday! Copyright April 2017. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie ranks* as long as credit is given.

If you're a zombie, how far would you be willing to go to save the two people you care about the most? Season 3 of The Virus Within * * * * * Trinity isn't about to let anything stop her. Come hell or high water, she's determined to get Jess and Nicky back. And heaven help anyone who stands in her way. Whoever said 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' had clearly never met a Nightstalker on the warpath. The blood moon is shedding its red light upon the night, and the hunt is on. The question remains, whose blood will be spilled first? And who will survive? Forget the dish soap. Grab the rutabagas and the firecrackers for this rescue mission.

The third wave is looming, mere weeks away, but in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, problems never come just one at a time. Season 2 of The Virus Within * * * * * Life isn't easy, and that's doubly true when you're a zombie surrounded by humans, a crazy redhead, and a far-too-curious scientist. Once you add in a long-lost sister and a Terror who doesn't know how to zombie, peace and quiet are the last things you'll find. Reports of a Nightstalker attack come mere weeks before the third wave is due, and Trinity is one of the few who have the necessary skills to take on such a zombie. Leaving her sister in the safety of the Stronghold, Trinity joins the rest of the group as they embark on a road trip to locate the feral creature before it can kill anyone else. Trouble looms on the horizon like a thunderstorm, and where there's thunder, there's lightning. You better pack your dish soap because the third wave isn't waiting for anyone. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

Cecily's blade swung, hitting its mark as always. The man's arm fell to the cold grass of the prison with a familiar thud. He let out a blood curdling scream. A warning to the rest. Stay away, the Hunter is here. That's the name they'd given her, the Hunter. After she cut off the man who tried to rape hers masculinity, they stayed away. She'd made it clear anyone who tried to touch her would be hunted and slaughtered. Cecily kneeled down, pushing the man's face into the dirt so she could use his back as a seat while she trifled through his belongings. "You're hurting my ears," she told him, no remorse in her voice. "Quiet down before I really do kill you." The man but his lip, well aware that she wasn't lying. Sobs shook him, making for an uncomfortable seat. She, however, didn't particularly feel the beed to kill him. It happened, not often, but it did. "Oh, hush up," she hissed, taking out a bag of rations with her metal hand, "it doesn't hurt that bad." With her good, human hand, she dropped the plastic bag of food into her own bag. She pushed up, off the man back. As she was about to walk away, bag slung over her shoulder, brushing against her autumn colored braid, she turned back to him. "Consider yourself lucky," she said, no hatred in her voice, there never was. "Consider yourself lucky that you didn't do anything stupid. And even luckier if one of the scum bagged criminals in here feel a little light in their hearts and help you. Consider yourself luckier if you die there." With that, her old black and white Nike sneakers carried her off into the brush of the huge prison.

This is a second view point from my original story - A Different Virus - Heartfire. I highly advise reading the original book first. Intro: Laura was a happy child without a care in the world. She loved her parents and life was perfect. Nothing seemed like it could go wrong. People started talking about a bad flu that was spreading and sending some into a coma. Her parents grew worried and stocked the house in case of a pandemic. Months later another virus appeared. Her family was shocked when the news people started reporting that zombies were actually real and not just part of a horror movie. They were appearing in every country. Her parents reassured her that none of the zombie sightings had been anywhere close to them. Her life is turned upside down when her father ends up in hospital with the bad flu and mother exiles her upstairs for her safety. She was never allowed downstairs again. Weeks pass and the streets become deserted with the exception of the red eyed zombies that wandered around. One night she notices a swiftly moving figure with glowing blue eyes in the street below. Should she call out or remain silent? Is this fleeting shadow something that can help her or could this mysterious figure be even more dangerous than the zombies themselves? ---------------------- Ranked #1 Apr 10, 2018 (A huge thank you to all who read and voted!) This story is copyright and built from my own imagination. This book was a special request from someone who helped me a lot. This viewpoint has less action than the original. The cover was made by @All_AboutAssymetry. A huge thanks to her! Copyright September 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given.

In the future, everyone who's bitten by a zombie turns into one... until Diane doesn't. Seven days later, she's facing consequences she never imagined. * * * * * As civilization collapses under a relentless wave of zombies, Diane and her friends take shelter in a military base. However, while she's rescuing another survivor, Diane gets bitten by one of the monsters. She hides it and runs away, knowing she only has days left to live. But she soon discovers she isn't turning into a zombie - she's turning into something else. --------- Excerpt: I looked up and stared. My reflection looked back at me in the mirror of the dark room. My eyes were literally glowing, there was no mistaking it. It was not a reflection of light, or any of the other excuses I had used or others had assumed. They were glowing a light sapphire blue color. It was not a bright glow, but it was definitely a glow. Glowing eyes were not normal. Okay, at this point I had to admit it, I was no longer normal. What was I then? For that, I had no answer [[Word count: 495,000]] Copyright August 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given. Cover was lovingly made by JimenaVivancoo.

I will be your heart, if you will be my shield. In a world where magic supposedly didn't exist, Serena has spent years struggling to conceal her unpredictable singing magic. While wishing for a peaceful life where she can sing without fear, she sees a man in handcuffs being forced into a shady research center. Their eyes meet, and the soulbond is forged. Darien is not from this world, and he's been held captive for years. With the soulbond amplifying his strength, he can fight his way through almost everything, but not every danger can be fought with fists. Their love draws them together even as power-hungry enemies try to pry them apart. They want to control Darien for their own purposes, but he's too strong to be controlled by force. Their love is their greatest strength-and their biggest vulnerability. But magic has its own rules, and no song can go unanswered. Excerpt: I pitied the man, although with so many cops around him, he was quite dangerous. Who needed 30 police officers to supervise one guy who in handcuffs and leg shackles? I watched him walk down the gauntlet between the rows of officers. It was as if I couldn't look away. He paused and looked around. His brilliant glowing blue eyes seemed to meet mine across the vast distance. I couldn't even blink as his eyes seemed to hold mine. The trees of a park broke our locked gaze as the bus kept on driving. I took a deep breath, suddenly realizing that I had stopped breathing the moment our eyes met. I had never seen such blue eyes before-and they glowed! A shiver ran through me. I had been too far away to make out the color of the man's eyes. My eyes watched the trees, hoping for a break in them so I could see the man again. I had no such luck. --- Fade-to-black action fantasy romance Copyright November 2017. Readers may not copy, alter, translate, or steal this story. Fanfictions may use my *world* and *magic rules* as long as credit is given.

If dish soap, rutabagas, and firecrackers aren't an essential part of your zombie apocalypse kit, you better grab them now! Season 1 of The Virus Within (SERIES IS COMPLETED!) * * * * * * * Trinity fights against the bloodthirsty influences of the zombie virus as she searches for her sister, hoping to find her still alive among the scattered survivors. But even if Trinity manages to find her, how will Jess react when she discovers Trinity is a zombie? When a group of survivors gets stranded by a vehicle malfunction, Trinity decides to guide them to safety. Rediscovering her sense of humor was the last thing she ever expected, but it just might be her best defense in keeping her humanity, especially on a zombie-infested road trip with more bad luck than potholes. But time is running out as the third wave of the deadly outbreak rapidly spreads. Trinity must decide if she can trust a backwater scientist who thinks she can help her new friends, all while combating the effects of the virus that threatens to steal what's left of her humanity. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant