I got this really bad feeling lately. I don't know how to describe it, because those who have never felt it will also never understand. It is like a mess in my head. The mess that I can never clean up or hide somewhere deep. Because it will be still in me. I can try to ignore it, but in the end it will anyway show up, darker and worse than before. And it can never get better, you know. It's so depressing - the fact that I can't be fixed. Doesn't matter how much I try.