"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #1 (19/04/18) 2016 Fiction Awards Finalist © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.

"Hello" "Hey." "Umm, so do you want some ice cream?" "Why else would I call an ice cream shop in the middle of a summer day when it is broiling hot and reaching record highs in the temperature department?" "Good point, so what do you want?" "Mint chocolate chip. My favorite! By the way, you have a very deep voice." "It comes with being a person of the manly gender. You have a higher voice." "It comes with being a person of the female gender." "Mint chocolate chip?" "Yes, please!" Cover made by the amazing @artBae-

"Aloo--" "I'm hungry." "Problem solved! We deliver donuts, where do you want that?" "I don't. I'm craving McNuggets." "..." "And you." #14 in Dialogue (13 July, 2018) #68 IN SHORT STORY - 30/4/2017

[Highest Ranks: #1 in hotline, and #11 in Short story] "Do you really want to know my name" " Yes tell me" " DO YOU REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW?" "YESS" " YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW!" " YESS TELL ME GODDAMMIT!" " MY NAME IS..." " WHAT?" " THE NAMES BOND, JAMES BOND" --- Sitting around in an office chair working part time wasn't really Lucys cup of tea and being home alone wasn't really the same either for Mark when you have an idiot for a roommate, but who knew things would get a little livelier when you mix: One fateful phone call Two amazingly sarcastic dorks And a whole lot of puns. You might just want to buckle up your seatbelts for the sarcastic duo coming your way.

❝Hel-❞ ❝Dad? How is she?! I would come now but-❞ ❝Chris...it's Willow.❞ ❝Oh, shit. Sorry. Wrong number.❞ + (not worth reading at all, i don't know what my 15 year old self was thinking writing this tbh, it continues to be up for me to reminisce) #26 ; short story (23/11) #17 ; short story (14/12) #8 ; short story (18/12) #4 ; short story (23/12) #3 ; short story (3/1/2016) #2 ; short story (15/1/2016) #1 ; short story (31/1/2016) cover by @ashtonlirwin + © cruise-ing 2015/6 all rights reserved

❝This is IKEA's help center speaking. How may I help you?❞ ❝My testicle is stuck.❞ © sonderingly

"Sure, your are Lily. Now stop playing I need advice on how to stop-" "Getting a boner." "No, I need to know how to-" "Suck the D." "LILY!" "IM NOT LILY! You do know, you have the wrong number." Cameron Rivers called this phone number to get out of therapy, having to take medicine and other things he is forced to do. But as he calls the phone number it turns out to be a wrong phone number with a no-filter, bubbly girl named Iridescent Meadows. He offered her to be his advisor even though he didn't know her well. She accepted and they became best friends along the way. All he wanted was advice but as it turns out along the way he might just get something else too. A comedy story filled of jokes to brighten your day, advice to help everyone, friendship and possibly even more. After all she is the pencil to his broken, wrinkled up paper. Previously called "Advice for the teens"

❝I- what? What are you talking about? Who is this?❞ ❝Well the bathroom stall says that this number is the gateway to a good time, and unless you're trying to say that a bathroom stall is lying to me, I think I need a little more information to be sold. Do you have like a yelp page I could look up? Past customer reviews? How many stars out of five?❞ ❝What are yo- oh my god, I'm going to fucking kill Marie.❞ (alternatively called: a lot of people shit with pens) written in dialogue // cover by xhemmingshugsx

"This is Westerden Optometrist. What are your symptoms?" "For starters, my eyesight has been super blurry and distorted, and this problem is starting to screw up seventeen-year-old life. Speaking of which, you sound kind of young for an optometrist. How old are you?" "Um, I don't think it'd be the greatest idea for that blurry eyesight of yours to be treated by a guy your own age." "My own... oh no." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Short Story #4 (03/04/16) Wattpad Featured Story (July 2017) © 2015 evethespy. All Rights Reserved.