Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

WATTY 2016 WINNER of the HQ Love Award! Strange Yarns is a ball of tangled tales. Twisted, knotted, and intertwined. Like Tales of the Crypt, the Twilight Zone, and The Outer Limits. Strange Yarns is not just a collection of ghastly tales, these are yarns, and yarns are sewed together. Follow the yarns and see the grand design... think of this as an evil quilt. Ghost, ghouls, and cannibals being studied for nutrition research, Strange Yarns has got it all. ALL EXCEPT HAPPY ENDINGS!!! (The Author's Lawyer's retain the rights to define happy endings.) I'd love it if you'd vote. And if you really like them please share with a friend. And if you hated them, please share with an enemy. *Josh Saltzman is a Canadian Comedy Award winning writer and director. Recently he was the head writer of season 2 and 3 of Inspector Gadget on Netflix. His other credits include Fangbone! (Disney XD), Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: The Animated Series (Sony/DHX), and in live action Call Me Fitz (HBO Canada). Josh has also made lots of weird videos you can find on youtube.