Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

C41 was taught to fight and never trust anyone but a select few. But in order to leave prison, he might have to work with those who can break him. ***** Inmate C41 is the youngest registered "feral" shapeshifter -- someone unable to control his animal urges and aggressions. When he turns eighteen he is transferred to the Adult Feral Rehabilitation Center in Scotland, where he meets a mysterious American government agent who endlessly probes him with questions. C41 does the only thing he thinks will help him survive - he lies. And that starts a chain of events that will either end in a prison break or a life of torture. Content and/or Trigger Warning: sex and violence. [[Wattys' Shortlist]] [[word count: 70,000-80,000 words]]

When you're a vampire, death is something that happens to other people. Now the only thing Bob wants is to get revenge on Sebastien, the lustrous-haired, girlfriend-stealing, drug-dealing sonofabitch who murdered him. Bob continues to break the vampires laws, but this time he's got an ally in the enigmatic Countess Vera as he seeks murderous revenge on newly turned vampire Sebastien. Revenge may have to wait as he tries to convince the deadly vampire Beatrice to train him. Nobody ever mentioned that vampires have to hold down a day job. NEW CHAPTERS WEEKLY on FRIDAYS! (25 in total) (50,000-75,000 words)

CURRENTLY BEING RE-WRITTEN AS PART OF THE "HOW NOT TO VAMPIRE" SERIES) It's the week from Hell as Bob tries to save his ex-girlfriend Jaime from certain death... by turning her into a vampire. Needless to say, she doesn't quite agree with this plan and what follows is an epic journey in the making as Bob and Jaime try to track down the one vampire who might know how to turn Jaime back into a human. Oh yeah, and Bob's sometime-stalker-ex-girlfriend Beatrice is trying to kill them. Book 1: SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE Book 2: SO I'M A VAMPIRE... NOW WHAT? Book 3: SO YOU USED TO BE HUMAN Book 4: SO YOU WANT TO KILL A VAMPIRE (now in drafts to return in Fall 2019?) Wattpad original: SO YOU MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE (799K reads, featured, #2 in Humor) ########## This was originally Book 2 of the series, but it's now Book 3 since SO I'M A VAMPIRE... NOW WHAT has been created to be Book 2. We've done a bit of editing and SO YOU MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE is now two books instead of one. Unfortunately, this means that Book 3 (this one) is finished before Book 2. So if you;re confused, sorry. If you're willing to wait a year and read the new book 2 first as it comes out on Wattled, then kudos to you, but to be honest, this book is awesome, so go ahead and read it now. Or not. Entirely up to you. Hilarity? Hell yes. Vulgar humour and excessive use of all examples of vulgar language that Bob can think up? You got it!

CURRENTLY BEING REWITTEN IN THE "HOW NOW TO VAMPIRE" SERIES Everybody thinks they know what happened at the Hotel Astoria. They're so, so wrong... I'm Bob, and I'm a vampire. I could lie and tell you that I'm a bonafide seventh-level badass vampire of the highest order, but then this would be a completely different story. What I want is for you to think of this as more of an "instructional manual" on how *not* to be a badass vampire. That kind of badassery takes training and a level of dedication that's just not my style, you know what I mean? If you do want to know how to piss off the nearest city of vampires (totally my fault), get the vampire Federali on your ass (me again), and be declared Vampire Enemy #1, then I'm just the guy you're looking for. Oh yeah, I'm also kinda-sorta-maybe-definitely dating my sworn enemy and she still might be looking to kill me at any moment, but I'm not taking responsibility for that hot mess. And I do mean hot in all of the wrong ways. If you want to know about the Hotel Astoria, then skip right to the end, but if you want to know the other stuff... well, settle in. BOOK 2 of CHASING THE SUN SERIES sequel to SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE

Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.

Vampiring is HARD. Things Bob has on his checklist when he accidentally becomes a vampire: a) forget everything he knows about vampires b) Google vampire survival tactics c) don't get brutally murdered by vampires. Apparently there are vampire LAWS, and Bob, a young, romantically-challenged black man living in Toronto, never got the guidebook. Even though it's not his fault that he's broken every rule, a secret vampire society is hellbent on giving him a more permanent death. With the help of his best pal, Claude, Bob tries to stay alive and hopefully turn around his screwed-up existence in the process. This is a FREE story with Paid Exclusive Chapters. Wattys 2022 Shortlist Wattpad Stormy Nights - Winner 20 CHAPTERS only on Wattpad [[word count: 50,000-75,000 words]] EXCERPT: ****** "Look: vampires are traditionally afraid of religious symbols. It's a well-known fact. If you're any kind of vampire, you should be outta here by now, not just sitting there drinking your coffee." "I'm not actually drinking it yet. Some idiot keeps interrupting me by shoving religious symbols in my face." Claude held up an ornate brass cross with a macabre Jesus Christ in the throes of death, designed to repel any nearby vampires. "Oh look," I said dryly, "the idiot's back." ****** Edited by Debra Goelz Cover model: Ariel Pacheco Cover Photo by: Theik Smith Cover designed by: Rodney V. Smith Want more? JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/brxdsA9 Jaime's Infinite Playlist (spotify) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DfPirPYtLKwEeSQ1upKZY?si=NhEhkcsIQOOpb7kKXIXWNw Book Playlist: https://music.apple.com/ca/playlist/jaimes-infinite-playlist/pl.u-JPVJCEXxXYv

A serial killer stalks Barbados and Detective John Riley returns to the island to stop them before they turn their attention to the people closest to him. ***** A serial killer stalks the tropical paradise of Barbados, leaving victims naked in canefields and the island police force is ill-equipped to handle the case. Enter Seattle homicide detective and Barbados native: Detective John Riley. John hasn't been back to Barbados in decades, and he has his own demons to face. But as he combats the heat, the media, and the very police force he's working to help, he desperately hopes he can stop the violence before the killer turns their attention to the people closest to him. [[Wattys Winner]] [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

°°Bad Boys in Leather Jackets and White T's are common but a guy in glasses with straight As is just as equally sexy.°° Rainey Slate has a past she tells to no one, secrets she wishes not to share. She is viewed as the 'bad girl' but there is more to what meets the eyes when it comes to her. After an incident tarnishes her reputation at Freetown High, Rainey transfers to Crosshill High in hopes of a fresh start. Ansel King isn't your typical 'bad boy'. He's seen as a good guy with good grades. He's quiet, reserved and mysterious but Rainey can tell that he might not be so 'innocent' as he appears to be. An awkward exchange of eye contact from Rainey's locker mirror begins a cute and thrilling love story of two teens who finds comfort in each other but struggles to overcome their secrets and scars. A love story that presents a whirlwind of emotions, jealous antagonists and obstacles that test their abilities. ~Two people, appearing to be opposites but are probably not so different after all~ [First Draft] -------------------------- N:B: I do not own the copyright to the cover image. Credit goes to @natweaves. |Rankings: #8- Romance (23/10/2022) #7- Teen Fiction (5/11/2020) #11- Teen Fiction (11/10/2020) #1- teenromance (17/10/2020) #1- Abuse (11/10/2020) #1- younglove (20/10/2020) #1- rising (19/09/2020) #1- new (28/08/2020) #1- feelings (20/10/2020) #1- badass (24/10/2020) #1- badgirl (24/10/2020) #1- cute (2/11/2020) #1- highschool (25/12/2020$ #3- teenfiction (28/08/2020) #3- badgirlgoodboy (05/09/2020) #1- glasses (15/10/2020) #4- purelove (20/10/2020) #16- teen fiction (27/10/2020) #6- trending (27/10/2020) #3- purelove (27/10/2020) #62- chicklit (28/08/2022) #8- love (04/11/2022)

Mia Collins just wanted to get through her senior year of high school with as minimal awkward situations as possible. However, that's kind of hard to do when you have a narcissistic arch-nemesis who's hell-bent on ruining your life. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he seemed to take an immediate dislike. After all, it only took a measly few hours of knowing her for him to kick a soccer ball right at her unsuspecting 11-year-old face. Though they did not know it then, this iconic moment would mark the beginning of what felt like a lifelong feud. Six years later and their mutual hatred for one another is still very much alive and kicking. She despised him, and he despised her and that's the way it always would be. But what happens when sparks fly, and stomachs flutter? Will someone break the eternal feud? One's thing for sure- Mia will definitely not be the one to break. ----------------------------------------- If you're looking for a hilarious, light-hearted teen-fiction book, with a whole load of embarrassing situations, this is the read for you. Follow Mia and Ethan on their journey from hate to love. ---------------------------------------- Warning: The second-hand embarrassment in this book can be incredibly severe at times. ---------------------------------------- THIS BOOK IS COPY-RIGHT PROTECTED! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE THIS WORK AND PUT IT ANYWHERE ELSE. ---------------------------------------- Highest ranks: #1 in Teen fiction-August 28, 2020 #1 in Enemies -August 31, 2020 #1 in Young adult- September 5, 2020 #2 in Humor - September 12, 2020