PERSONAL ASSISTANT NEEDED. People skills optional. Ability to take drink orders preferred. Personal mode of transport a MUST. To Reply, Contact Dr. M's home office: 1-555-TRBLE-4-U (Idiots and those prone to knock-knock jokes need not apply.) ◎ ◎ ◎ Nobody in their right mind would respond to a help wanted listing so vague. Enter, Robin Banks. The wacky exploits of a narcoleptic super villain and his reluctant sidekick. [COMPLETED FIRST DRAFT - #22 in Humor on 4/12/15]

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!***** WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15) In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that. "Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't. Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels? You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done. Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)

[Formerly Featured/Award-Winning Novella/#2 in Horror] There is something eerie about this village -- this hole of silent, maddened people. In 1922 my Papa told me of a faceless entity that lurks amongst us in our isolated slice of Russia. The locals have kept this horror alive for a century, though the only ones who claim to have seen the Folveshch have succumbed to a life of sightless silence. My name is Stefan Alyovich and the people around me are changing. They slip into worsening madness every winter, and I ask myself: how much longer before I'm the only sane one left? ... The only one left alone with the Folveshch. ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟- ↟ • 21,000 word novella • Rank #2 in Horror • Rank #4 in Mystery • Horror winner of Greatbelt U.F Award 2015 • CBY October Book of the Month 2014 • The Cryptic Awards Best Horror Winner 2017 • Wattpad HQ Winter Escapes Reading List • Wattpad HQ Stranger Things Reading List • Fright Top Horror/Featured Horror/Stranger Things Reading Lists • Mystery Paranormal Mystery Reading List • ThePurgeMovie Urban Legends Reading List • TheGallowsMovie Best of Thrillers Reading List • Blairwitchmovie Top Horror/Thriller Reading List • OuijaMovie Top Horror Reading List • IncarnateMovie Top Horror ↟- ↟ - ↟ - ↟- ↟- ↟ - ↟ - ↟ - ↟- ↟ - ↟ - ↟ - ↟ - ↟-

Samuel Brandt woke up with his thoughts written all over his body. His brother woke up with his head missing. His sister woke up to find that her skin would crack open unless she stayed in water. All of the other children in the secluded Iowa town of Oak Knoll woke up having undergone strange transformations. Now, they are all forced to live at 407 West Marshall Street, the mysterious house outside of town. With the new name of The Boy with Words for Skin, Samuel wants nothing more than to hide from his new life. He painfully and unpredictably sheds his skin, there is a Voice in the entryway closet that is often cruel, and-perhaps worst of all for a naturally shy boy-the other children look to him as a leader. As his seven-year-old brother struggles with their new life, as terrifying growls start to come from the pitch black basement, and as his feelings for a girl begin to grow, The Boy with Words for Skin realizes that he wants to change. He wants to put others first, learn from his peers, and let himself hope that things will get better. The Boy with Words for Skin is the first book in the 407 West Marshall Street series. Each book will advance the story but be told from a different character. Book 2 will be The Girl without Eyes.

WATTY 2016 WINNER of the HQ Love Award! Strange Yarns is a ball of tangled tales. Twisted, knotted, and intertwined. Like Tales of the Crypt, the Twilight Zone, and The Outer Limits. Strange Yarns is not just a collection of ghastly tales, these are yarns, and yarns are sewed together. Follow the yarns and see the grand design... think of this as an evil quilt. Ghost, ghouls, and cannibals being studied for nutrition research, Strange Yarns has got it all. ALL EXCEPT HAPPY ENDINGS!!! (The Author's Lawyer's retain the rights to define happy endings.) I'd love it if you'd vote. And if you really like them please share with a friend. And if you hated them, please share with an enemy. *Josh Saltzman is a Canadian Comedy Award winning writer and director. Recently he was the head writer of season 2 and 3 of Inspector Gadget on Netflix. His other credits include Fangbone! (Disney XD), Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: The Animated Series (Sony/DHX), and in live action Call Me Fitz (HBO Canada). Josh has also made lots of weird videos you can find on youtube.

Nobody knew where Jack came from. Nobody knew when he’d ever leave. From the moment he arrived at Saint Dymphna Asylum, Jack hadn’t uttered a word. He stayed voiceless and lost in his own world. Most figured that his past was terrible. Some guessed that he went to hell, but never came back. Suddenly, on a rainy day in October, Jack opens his mouth. And the truth is frightening. WARNING: This book contains evidence of homosexuality and use of foul language. Read at your own risk. Cover credit: Photo by Noil Klune (www.noilklune.com) Design by: simba-aa Trailer credit: Trailer made by me.

BLACK MIRROR meets PRETTY LITTLE LIARS in this multimedia thriller where an anonymous advice website gets hacked and the dark origins of the site start to come to light. (shortlisted for the 2017 wattys, #1 in mystery/thriller)