​humor Stories

IT'S THE LOCKJAW, TERRY! THE RUST GOT INTO MY BLOOD!! THE RUST INTO MY BLOODSTREAM! MY JAW IS FUSING SHUT! TELL THE MEDICS TO BURY ME WITH MY FAVORITE RIFLE... I'M LOCKING UP FOREVER!" ​Welcome to the Edge of Alaska, where the wilderness is brutal, the stakes are sky-high, and the local salvage yard is a 5-billion-percent upgraded comedy zone of generational warfare. ​Thirty-five-year-old Terry is ready to drag his family's struggling wilderness salvage business into the 21st century. Equipped with cutting-edge drones, satellite trackers, and high-tech mapping software, he's launching Frontier Recovery & Eco-Tours to bring in wealthy city clients and save their outpost from bankruptcy. There's just one massive, seventy-five-year-old obstacle standing in his way: his father, Jerry. ​Jerry is a stubborn-as-a-mule, old-school survivalist who views technology as a personal insult to his fifty years of rugged Alaskan grit. Backed by his "Senior Chain-Gang"-a hilariously useless squad of old-timers named Rolex, Oatmeal, Gravy, and Silas-Jerry has mastered the art of tactical laziness. The exact second Terry hands him a computer screen or a legal permit, Jerry launches into a masterpiece theatrical medical emergency. From The Instant Blindness to The Sudden Locked-Jaw, Jerry will crash through furniture and wail to the heavens for his late wife Martha and his legendary dead sled dog Blue to open the pearly gates, only to miraculously recover the instant his secret stash of premium smoked salmon is threatened. ​But the bickering reaches a boiling point when Terry's drone spots a distinct glint of metal deep inside a treacherous, unmapped mountain valley known as Dead Man's Ridge. Jerry recognizes it instantly from old bush-pilot legends: it's a missing 1950s cargo plane carrying a massive fortune in pristine, vintage gold-mining valuables.

In the quiet town of Oakhaven, the stakes have never been higher. The annual BBQ competition is one day away, and Chef Isabella's world-famous "Secret Glaze" has been stolen! ​Enter Arthur Pumble: an amateur detective with a very long trench coat, a magnifying glass he barely knows how to use, and boots that squeak with every heroic step. Arthur is convinced this is the crime of the century. ​From interrogating suspicious Golden Retrievers to surviving "lethal" vegan smoothies, Arthur's investigation is a trail of hilarious errors and dramatic misunderstandings. But as the clock ticks down, can this bumbling detective actually find the thief before the ribs go dry? ​One mystery. Eight chapters. A lot of kale. Join Arthur Pumble in a detective comedy where the only thing sharper than his wit is his appetite.

Lyra Frost is reborn as the most underestimated genius in the Progression Realms-a realm teeming with powerful Ascendants who are tragically obsessed with toxic romance. With only 24 hours to live, Lyra is bound to the Destiny Correction Interface (DCI), a system that grants her life-saving Aether rewards every time she corrects a "Love-Brain" plotline. ​Now a frail, sharp-tongued Rook Tier Ascendant, Lyra infiltrates the infamous Unbound Citadel-a Faction of devastating power and emotional dysfunction. Her mission: Respect, Mock, and Lock the Love-Brains into their misery while ruthlessly farming their failed relationships for wealth, power, and the will to survive. ​Who needs true love when you have a maxed-out bank account and eternal life?