Absurd Stories

A loser loses a bet, two people quit, and a new guy shows up. Nobody knows geography.

Welcome to planet Talvaris, your generic isekai world filled with magic, dragons, and voluptuous female elves who look like they escaped from an illustrators search history. Everything here is as beautiful as the goddess Celes envision it, if you just ignore the slavery and racism on the corner. Unfortunately, maintaining this picturesque fantasy realm costs divine power. Luckily for the goddess, divine power can be charged by the Talvarians' prayer. And nothing beats the high-quality prayer of a Talvarian during the act of killing or being killed. That's why the occasional demon invasions are needed, oh and the OP otherworlder hero is also needed to tone down the invasion. Nobody wants the sweet Talvarians to get wiped out, right? But this time the celestial HR department makes a mistake. Alex Solomon is not a teenager, not handsome, and definitely not a Japanese. He is just a regular pot belly millennials who spend most of his time looking at the screen every day, just like the one who reading this now. Totally doesn't meet the goddess's standards. Hence, the beautiful but angry goddess cursed Alex Solomon to become an orc and banish him to the Demon Kingdom with nothing but a ability to access Earth internet. Stuck among demons, Alex Solomon decide if the goddess wants him to be a monster, he'll be the worst kind possible - a monster with ideas. Armed with memes, wikipedia articles, and misquoted great thinker, he and the demon army set out on a quest for revenge by doing the most disruptive thing that have been proven on earth: Building world peace, freedom, and democracy across Talvaris. One Tomahawk missile at a time. New Chapters every Tuesday & Friday For 30 chapters ahead, you can check at RR For 40 chapters ahead, you can check and support my patreon at patreon.com/Bimbanana

When Maria Frizridge discovers that her once peaceful town is having a parade by a passing circus. She was instantly filled with curiosity. Yet as the day comes to an end, she spots the very same circus in the forest just out of town. She approaches, expecting maybe a nice chat or maybe a signature. What she didn't expect was to get trapped inside it, or, more accurately, her mind. In order for herself not to fade, she works for the odd and mysterious ringmaster, Ron. Slowly, she gets used to the circus life, and maybe even finds sparks between her and Ron's companionship. But as she discovers occult behaviors, an impossible maze below it, and the increasingly weird things that happen around Ron. She realizes. Something is wrong with the circus. Something forgotten, something ancient. (message to Royal road staff: Yes, I'm the same author. Yes, this story will be on royal road.)

Prologue The first thing the Republic banned was noise. Not all noise, of course. Machines needed noise. Generators hummed. Doors creaked. Pipes complained in winter. The robots made their various mechanical sounds, most of which Tom had never bothered to name. What he meant was human noise. Arguments. Complaints. Questions. Opinions. He considered these the four great enemies of civilization. That was why, on the day he founded the Meh Republic, Tom stood at the gate with a hammer in one hand and a freshly painted sign in the other. He looked at the empty road. Then at the seven robots standing behind him. Then at the sign. THE MEH REPUBLIC NO HUMANS ALLOWED FOUNDED BY MR. TOM FOR PROTECTION AGAINST HEARTBREAK AND HEART ATTACKS Tom nodded. "Perfect." One of the robots tilted its head. Tom pointed at it. "You understand?" The robot remained silent. "Good." For the first time in many years, Tom felt completely certain that he had made the right decision. He had no idea that, somewhere beyond the mountains, a small orange cat was about to change everything. He certainly had no idea that the Republic would one day have a new constitution. Or a new flag. Or a new Supreme Leader. Or that Tom himself would eventually become the last human president in a country whose population consisted mostly of machines and cats. At the time, however, he had only one concern. Peace. Silence. And absolutely no humans. It was, as it turned out, a terrible plan.

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Gather round, children! Pause your Fortnites, switch off your Tiktoks, and pop a Ritalin, for it's time for a story! A delightfully deranged story about the most wonderful time of the year: the apocalypse! A day of wrath! A day of mourning! Christmas trees and gingerbread houses in ashes burning! Clinch your butt-cheeks in horror, boys and girls! Biblically accurate angels have come to the North Pole! They come bearing prophecies of a Pagan purge. Santa Claus must surrender Christmas to the Holy Spirit, or else suffer the wrath of Heaven. Unless, in a last ditch effort, Santa Claus, our lovely Pagan giver of gifts, can kidnap a boy from the human world and train him to be her white knight. But the boy she chooses, Peter, is stupid, cruel, and naughty- the opposite of a hero. With no battle strategy and the Christmas Apocalypse only weeks away, he must learn to fight, to sledge, to bake delicious cookies, and recruit as many yandere Snow Witches, Penguin Queens, and tsun-tsun Peppermint Princesses as he can if he hopes to save Christmas.

A funny story about how aliens kidnapped a specific category of people, and the rest of the people were left in confusion ^_^

FOLLOW DA BOIS Day, Hollow, and Kaligo as they hunt horrifying Analog horror inspired monsters. THEY TRAVEL THROUGHOUT UNIVERES, MAKE LOTS OF JOKES, AND FUCK UP, (BUT NOT TOO BAD PROBABLY). THEY SHALL END THE WOR- WELL, TRY TO SAVE THE WORLD, AND MEET NEW BUDDIES (Lilly and Orian) WHO MAY OR MAY NOT DIE A FEW TIMES, YIPPIE.

In Planet Pop Star where odd creatures, humans and dragons exists, our protagonist, Kirby, starts an adventure to collect at least 7 very important objects to exchange to the legendary comet Nova that has the capacity to make a wish true, and its going to be..............DRAGONS STOP KILLING EVERYONE¡¡¡¡¡

Alexandra van der Wansem - fashion icon 👠, certified menace 🚨, and the queen bee 🐝 of Macca-Villacrosse - just got absolutely obliterated by a car 🚗💥 (don't worry, the car's fine 💅). Now she's in a coma 🛌 looking expensive and unconscious 😴✨. But plot twist: her soul floats up to ✨Cloud Drama 9000✨, where she meets an ✨angel✨ with a clipboard and zero chill 😒📋. He pulls up her karma receipts 📈📉 and-yikes-homegirl's been AWFUL 😬 (like... "stole candy from a child and then body-shamed the mom" kind of awful). Her punishment? Reincarnation. As. A. Stray. Chihuahua. 🐶🧼🗑️ RIP the glam life. To return to her human body, Alexandra must complete good deeds ✅🤲 as a yappy, fluffy, attitude-packed rat dog 🐾. But then-plot twist #2-a hot, emotionally available, probably-sad-but-in-a-sexy-way man 🧔🔥 finds her and takes her home 🏡. Now Alexandra, trapped in a tiny dog body 🐕, catches feels 😩💘 and is 100% ready to risk it all to smash 💥. The man, obviously, is CLUELESS 😵‍💫. Will she earn enough karma to wake up? Or will she stay trapped in a dog's body... hopelessly in love and painfully horny? 😭💔🐕

Mansan's handsomeness is like a winter wind piercing straight into ladies' lungs. In the Kingdom of Inspiration, the King turned his handsome face into a weapon. No lady can survive looking into his eyes for more than five seconds. So when King Kunggyu realized Mansan could boost the economy for free, he immediately put that face to work. Why struggle with policies when you have a handsome man? The King dreams of making Inspiration so prosperous that even the sun feels embarrassed by its own brightness. But Mansan has only one goal: wipe out corrupt officials. Too bad the King just wants to profit from his looks. Now every noble is desperate to get close to him, and the King is quietly enjoying his 'market value' to pull all political power to his side.

ᴛᴏᴏ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴏʀᴅɪɴᴀʀʏ ʟɪᴠᴇꜱ ʟᴇʜʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴊᴏɴɪɴ ꜱᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴀ ʙᴏᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇᴇʀ, ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴀʟᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʀᴇᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ᴠᴇ ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇᴅ.

In a world of magic and dragons, humanity's greatest hope is the Summoned Heroes. The Church of the Goddess, the only institution capable of performing the summoning ritual, did what any reasonable institution would do. They made a catalogue. Why rely on fate when you can have a price list? Different tiers. Different classes. Different budgets. From premium, battle-tested champions, to "affordable" options for struggling kingdoms. Because even the poor deserve their own personal hero. Unfortunately, one such "budget-conscious" kingdom got... Theo. A professional séance scammer. A necromancer who couldn't control the dead. A defective product. So, they did the logical thing: They threw him away. What no one knows is, he can summon the dead, even though his system only allows him to summon souls from Earth. From Archimedes to Nikola Tesla, Julius Caesar to George S. Patton, Leonardo da Vinci to... Steve Jobs? Men who shaped civilizations, now answering to a scammer. A kingdom forged from Earth's greatest minds to devour other kingdoms in Civara... and perhaps even the Goddess herself. There is just one problem. Right next door lies the Demon Kingdom, And it has been waiting to devour Civara, long before Theo ever arrived. --- New Chapter: Tue, Thurs, Sat

13x featured wattpad story. Before everything, it's assumed there was nothing, but what if there was no real difference between the two? Just two extreme philosophies from the first conflict. The planet Huom has been under observation for longer than should technically be possible. The primary watcher, a bitter black hole, is excited to see that there is finally a proverbial Darkness at the end of the tunnel. Meanwhile, on the planet, in the freezing mountains of Empris, Lyeasrakardsul, the oldest living sorcerer, suffers from devastating nightmares. At the same time, far away in the sandstone desert of Zenon, Herschel, a man filled to the brim with weird ideas is escaping a prison filled with strange old men. What does all this have to do with arsehole Gods, hairy Dwarfs, frustrated Afreets, curious Knomes, lizard-women, and nude Áettar? Perhaps Nothing, perhaps Everything... but why can't it be both?

Cassandra Lyara adalah definisi dari kekacauan, ceria, tengil, dan selalu punya cara baru untuk membuat sekolah gempar. Sampai sebuah hukuman mempertemukannya dengan Jisya Ashavenia, ketua OSIS yang hidupnya serba teratur dan sama sekali tidak siap menghadapi satu manusia berisik bernama Cassie. Satu terlalu berisik, satu terlalu pendiam; satu hidup sesuka hati, satu hidup sesuai tuntutan. Di antara keisengan yang kelewat batas, perdebatan receh, dan hari-hari yang perlahan terasa berbeda, siapa sangka kalau jatuh cinta justru menjadi kekacauan paling indah yang pernah mereka buat. ⚠WARNING!!!⚠ - gxg/wlw - 100% fiksi - Yang merasa homophobic diharap menjauh

A Collection Of The Most Simple Kind...

Jolli Forthright, 39, twice divorced, drowning in student loan debt and stuck in a dead-end job on a less than glamorous freighter ship finds herself on the mother of all adventures when she accidentally becomes the new home of a wayward parasite. On the long journey to return her new-found passenger to his home in Tarvenis space she learns the universe is truly an absurd place.

I wrote this story just because I saw a video where Claude acts like an idiot with ChatGPT. I made the cover myself in a minute, just for the sake of it.

When Azlier stumbles upon an unsettling archive, the line between memory and intrusion begins to blur. Some moments feel achingly real, others impossibly wrong-and in the quiet between frames, a deeper presence seems to be watching. As truths shift and shadows take shape, one question lingers: what happens when you can't trust your own reflection?

In this hilarious and absurd comedy, the infamous intergalactic hunter known as the Predator sets its sights on a new challenge: Chris Hansen, the fearless host of To Catch a Predator. As Hansen prepares for what he thinks is another routine sting operation, he finds himself face-to-face with a seven-foot alien armed to the teeth. But Hansen's unshakable composure, razor-sharp wit, and mastery of awkward confrontation leave the Predator baffled and scrambling for a way out. What unfolds is a battle of wits, misunderstandings, and hilarity as two predators face off in the most unexpected showdown.