Absurde Stories

A loser loses a bet, two people quit, and a new guy shows up. Nobody knows geography.

Six teens. One talking fire. An abyss that wants to swallow everything.

Straight From the Convict's Mouth: The Most Outrageous & Down Right Absurd Real Life Prison Yard Interviews

Prologue The first thing the Republic banned was noise. Not all noise, of course. Machines needed noise. Generators hummed. Doors creaked. Pipes complained in winter. The robots made their various mechanical sounds, most of which Tom had never bothered to name. What he meant was human noise. Arguments. Complaints. Questions. Opinions. He considered these the four great enemies of civilization. That was why, on the day he founded the Meh Republic, Tom stood at the gate with a hammer in one hand and a freshly painted sign in the other. He looked at the empty road. Then at the seven robots standing behind him. Then at the sign. THE MEH REPUBLIC NO HUMANS ALLOWED FOUNDED BY MR. TOM FOR PROTECTION AGAINST HEARTBREAK AND HEART ATTACKS Tom nodded. "Perfect." One of the robots tilted its head. Tom pointed at it. "You understand?" The robot remained silent. "Good." For the first time in many years, Tom felt completely certain that he had made the right decision. He had no idea that, somewhere beyond the mountains, a small orange cat was about to change everything. He certainly had no idea that the Republic would one day have a new constitution. Or a new flag. Or a new Supreme Leader. Or that Tom himself would eventually become the last human president in a country whose population consisted mostly of machines and cats. At the time, however, he had only one concern. Peace. Silence. And absolutely no humans. It was, as it turned out, a terrible plan.

Preface This book is meant to be read chronologically. The idea of fragmentation of concepts is exactly what it means with each concept being split to mere sentences. Do not expect a normal story with a plot. The briefness of each chapter is intentional for each chapter is a shard of truth that is meant to be read in a few minutes but is not supposed to be finished quickly. Ideally, each chapter should be read, then given a break to think about the discussion in that chapter then to be continued. Do not look away if you find yourself staring into space. Proceed if you wish to subsist. Part 1 and Part 2 are meant to complement each other. Per example, chapter 6's theme in part 1 is wind, while its equivalent in part 2 is freedom. Contradictions are wholly intentional. Part 1 is the thesis, Part 2 is the antithesis and the whole book is synthesis as per the hegelian three step dialectic structure. The word counts are also parallel to each chapter, and the peak of the part is chapter 14. To add context, all forty chapters are meant to be a set of elements of everything. That was the basis for my idea, keep that in mind. Not all of these elements are present in the chapter titles. This original work is also posted by me on Quotev under the username { Shards-Of-Writing }

ᴛᴏᴏ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴏʀᴅɪɴᴀʀʏ ʟɪᴠᴇꜱ ʟᴇʜʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴊᴏɴɪɴ ꜱᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴀ ʙᴏᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇᴇʀ, ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴀʟᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʀᴇᴄᴋᴀɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ᴠᴇ ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇᴅ.

FOLLOW DA BOIS Day, Hollow, and Kaligo as they hunt horrifying Analog horror inspired monsters. THEY TRAVEL THROUGHOUT UNIVERES, MAKE LOTS OF JOKES, AND FUCK UP, (BUT NOT TOO BAD PROBABLY). THEY SHALL END THE WOR- WELL, TRY TO SAVE THE WORLD, AND MEET NEW BUDDIES (Lilly and Orian) WHO MAY OR MAY NOT DIE A FEW TIMES, YIPPIE.

A fanfiction novella set in Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide universe. 33k words. A rogue government agency is misusing dangerous Magrathean technology, and Arthur Dent must reunite with old friends to help save planets across the Galaxy. Join them for another wild, wacky, interstellar romp aboard the Heart of Gold! In this story, you'll discover the answers to these vital questions: * Whatever happened to Fenchurch? * Does the saying "there's someone for everyone" apply to Ford Prefect? * What exactly IS a Collapsing Hrung? * What is Slartibartfast's last name? * WHY is 42 the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything? What does it actually MEAN?

In a world of magic and dragons, humanity's greatest hope is the Summoned Heroes. The Church of the Goddess, the only institution capable of performing the summoning ritual, did what any reasonable institution would do. They made a catalogue. Why rely on fate when you can have a price list? Different tiers. Different classes. Different budgets. From premium, battle-tested champions, to "affordable" options for struggling kingdoms. Because even the poor deserve their own personal hero. Unfortunately, one such "budget-conscious" kingdom got... Theo. A professional séance scammer. A necromancer who couldn't control the dead. A defective product. So, they did the logical thing: They threw him away. What no one knows is, he can summon the dead, even though his system only allows him to summon souls from Earth. From Archimedes to Nikola Tesla, Julius Caesar to George S. Patton, Leonardo da Vinci to... Steve Jobs? Men who shaped civilizations, now answering to a scammer. A kingdom forged from Earth's greatest minds to devour other kingdoms in Civara... and perhaps even the Goddess herself. There is just one problem. Right next door lies the Demon Kingdom, And it has been waiting to devour Civara, long before Theo ever arrived. --- New Chapter: Tue, Thurs, Sat

This isn't any old journal. This is a game. Between you, the reader, and me the narrator. In this book you will attempt to discern dream from reality. This book will record my school year and it's your job to see which parts were edited to be how i like them. Which days happened? Which didn't? Who was really there and who wasn't? Well... We'll just have to see.

A seemingly ordinary working student discovers that she has magical powers. But as the days pass, faint memories begin to surface-memories of a life she can't remember, from another dimension. What happened to her before she came to Earth?

A story about the episodic adventures of Casper Mendoza, a young high school boy from a small town. He's always been fascinated by the supernatural. Always curious about the bumps in the night, and after witnessing a spirit for the first time, becomes determined to seek it out. Read as he and his friends explore the mysterious town of Welsbrooke and try to uncover just what makes it so much more supernatural than any other town.

When Maria Frizridge discovers that her once peaceful town is having a parade by a passing circus. She was instantly filled with curiosity. Yet as the day comes to an end, she spots the very same circus in the forest just out of town. She approaches, expecting maybe a nice chat or maybe a signature. What she didn't expect was to get trapped inside it, or, more accurately, her mind. In order for herself not to fade, she works for the odd and mysterious ringmaster, Ron. Slowly, she gets used to the circus life, and maybe even finds sparks between her and Ron's companionship. But as she discovers occult behaviors, an impossible maze below it, and the increasingly weird things that happen around Ron. She realizes. Something is wrong with the circus. Something forgotten, something ancient. (message to Royal road staff: Yes, I'm the same author. Yes, this story will be on royal road.)

Cassandra Lyara adalah definisi dari kekacauan, ceria, tengil, dan selalu punya cara baru untuk membuat sekolah gempar. Sampai sebuah hukuman mempertemukannya dengan Jisya Ashavenia, ketua OSIS yang hidupnya serba teratur dan sama sekali tidak siap menghadapi satu manusia berisik bernama Cassie. Satu terlalu berisik, satu terlalu pendiam; satu hidup sesuka hati, satu hidup sesuai tuntutan. Di antara keisengan yang kelewat batas, perdebatan receh, dan hari-hari yang perlahan terasa berbeda, siapa sangka kalau jatuh cinta justru menjadi kekacauan paling indah yang pernah mereka buat. ⚠WARNING!!!⚠ - gxg/wlw - 100% fiksi - Yang merasa homophobic diharap menjauh

There were two brothers. The younger one was an accountancy graduate. The other failed art school, doesn't have an actual job, fell in love with his own fictional character, and leeches off said younger brother. And they live together. Chaos ensues.

Ronald Wade just wanted to give pears a fair chance. When the mild-mannered produce manager notices that apples receive suspiciously preferential treatment, he gives pears a little more shelf space. It seems harmless, until Big Produce notices. An absurdist comedy about fruit, corporate power, conspiracy theories, and the dangers of disrupting the produce aisle.

In Planet Pop Star where odd creatures, humans and dragons exists, our protagonist, Kirby, starts an adventure to collect at least 7 very important objects to exchange to the legendary comet Nova that has the capacity to make a wish true, and its going to be..............DRAGONS STOP KILLING EVERYONE¡¡¡¡¡

Welcome to planet Talvaris, your generic isekai world filled with magic, dragons, and voluptuous female elves who look like they escaped from an illustrators search history. Everything here is as beautiful as the goddess Celes envision it, if you just ignore the slavery and racism on the corner. Unfortunately, maintaining this picturesque fantasy realm costs divine power. Luckily for the goddess, divine power can be charged by the Talvarians' prayer. And nothing beats the high-quality prayer of a Talvarian during the act of killing or being killed. That's why the occasional demon invasions are needed, oh and the OP otherworlder hero is also needed to tone down the invasion. Nobody wants the sweet Talvarians to get wiped out, right? But this time the celestial HR department makes a mistake. Alex Solomon is not a teenager, not handsome, and definitely not a Japanese. He is just a regular pot belly millennials who spend most of his time looking at the screen every day, just like the one who reading this now. Totally doesn't meet the goddess's standards. Hence, the beautiful but angry goddess cursed Alex Solomon to become an orc and banish him to the Demon Kingdom with nothing but a ability to access Earth internet. Stuck among demons, Alex Solomon decide if the goddess wants him to be a monster, he'll be the worst kind possible - a monster with ideas. Armed with memes, wikipedia articles, and misquoted great thinker, he and the demon army set out on a quest for revenge by doing the most disruptive thing that have been proven on earth: Building world peace, freedom, and democracy across Talvaris. One Tomahawk missile at a time. New Chapters every Tuesday & Friday For 30 chapters ahead, you can check at RR For 40 chapters ahead, you can check and support my patreon at patreon.com/Bimbanana

Gather round, children! Pause your Fortnites, switch off your Tiktoks, and pop a Ritalin, for it's time for a story! A delightfully deranged story about the most wonderful time of the year: the apocalypse! A day of wrath! A day of mourning! Christmas trees and gingerbread houses in ashes burning! Clinch your butt-cheeks in horror, boys and girls! Biblically accurate angels have come to the North Pole! They come bearing prophecies of a Pagan purge. Santa Claus must surrender Christmas to the Holy Spirit, or else suffer the wrath of Heaven. Unless, in a last ditch effort, Santa Claus, our lovely Pagan giver of gifts, can kidnap a boy from the human world and train him to be her white knight. But the boy she chooses, Peter, is stupid, cruel, and naughty- the opposite of a hero. With no battle strategy and the Christmas Apocalypse only weeks away, he must learn to fight, to sledge, to bake delicious cookies, and recruit as many yandere Snow Witches, Penguin Queens, and tsun-tsun Peppermint Princesses as he can if he hopes to save Christmas.

[FINISHED] Okay please before you consider running away from this thinking it's booty cheeks please just please read chapter 1. You won't find this anywhere else please i am begging you i have to feed my children, im not even fucking joking man please.