mk9min
It's thanks to Castiel, bringing him back, that he enjoys this peace. It's only logical that Dean wonders about him. (finding out he's missing him... a little, quite a lot.)
What would the other option have been like? The other possibility? If he had no place with her... The ghost of that path he doesn't know and will never experience again. How would he have felt?
The path he didn't take. The strange feeling of wondering if one day he'd be able to overcome it all, and a little fear that it might also mean leaving someone as wonderful as Castiel in the past. The fear of forgetting him and the constant reflex of bringing back a memory of him-somehow, as the months go by, just in case. The strangeness of their encounter, and the curiosity about what will not be. Overcoming him on nights like this, and leading him to wonder...
Because if someone asked him what he would do, if Castiel called him and looked for him for another mission, to deal with another fight-even if it were the last one together-Dean knew exactly what he'd answer.
If that were the case... Well, at least he'd have to stop and think about it.
I have absolutely nothing against the relationship between Lisa and Dean, nor the life he was able to build with her and Ben. This fanfic explores a possibility in which Dean reflects on the importance Castiel had during their brief encounter amidst a war. As a fan, I adored the family Dean forms with Lisa, exploring the different ways he found happiness, and of course, the Destiel connection (yes, both coexist).
This fanfic is not an excuse for any misogynistic discourse, nor do I believe Dean would ever belittle his feelings for Lisa; that's not the message of this story. His feelings after grieving for Sam and because of recent events are confusing, which is perfectly natural and as complex as he is, and as complex as his relationship with Cas.
This story is also available in spanish, in my recent works.
Enjoy <3