Darkfatasy Stories

First part of the stories revolving around the SYREN marine civilization. The title "The Syren's Rock" refers to the region to which the civilization belongs. Posting characters and civilizations lores from the macro-regions of ASTEEL universe. I'm asking brutal honesty. First time writing stories for an entire fantasy universe, I'd like to improve wherever necessary, so I'm looking for critical opinions on both writing technique and the way it is presented. I'm currently in the prototyping phase of both projects, and I'm therefore looking for a collaborator to help develop the lore of characters and civilizations that are already planned out, each with a substantial foundation and opening concept.