Takoyaikski
I'm telling you this because there was a time in my life that should've been short enough to forget, but for some reason, I can't let it go. These are just fragments of a much bigger story, only the pieces I've been able to pull together, so you'll have to bear with me, because some of this is honestly hard to recall properly even now.
They say grief comes in stages, but I found out pretty quickly that it doesn't actually move in a straight line. Everyone handles it differently. For me, I think I reached acceptance first before anything else even caught up. The depression came later, like it was delayed.
For three years after my father died, I got into the habit of texting his old number. It wasn't anything dramatic at first, just something I did without thinking, like a reflex I never really questioned. I always knew it wasn't going anywhere, until the day it suddenly did. I sent a message, and then I saw the word "read."
And right there, something in me just stopped, because that shouldn't have been possible. I told myself it was just a reassigned number, that someone else probably had it now, or maybe I was just overthinking something completely normal. But even saying that out loud didn't make it feel normal.
Because the replies didn't feel like someone else. They felt like someone who already knew me.
Things I never told anyone were suddenly coming back through that screen, things I only ever said to my father. And the worst part was how casually it all came back, like it had been sitting there waiting.
I tried to stop myself from reading too much into it. I really did. I told myself I was just projecting, that grief makes people sensitive, that I was just turning coincidence into meaning because I didn't know what else to do with myself.
But I can't fully convince myself of that anymore.
Because whatever has that number now... isn't just replying.
It's remembering.
And if you're reading this, I don't think it was ever just mine to begin with.