Dryhumor Stories

Humans... always trying to speedrun their downfall. They tore the world apart, then acted shocked when there was nothing left. The apocalypse came and went. No glory in it. Just ash, blood, and fools dying confused. Then they rebuilt it. Because they never learn. Now the world stands again, but, you know... it's real dodgy. Yeah. It's dark. Rotten from the inside. Evil... everywhere. Real dick for brains, motherfuckers running around doing heinous things. Real bottom-tier pieces of human shit. Not hidden either. It walks openly, smiling. But even rot knows fear, and there's a dude that scares the absolute fuck out of every last one of those sadistic bastards. Abram Karasu. If that psychopath decides you're on the menu, your fate was signed, sealed, and notarized before you even heard his footsteps. So don't embarrass yourself by begging. Seriously. It doesn't make him merciful... it just pisses him the fuck off. He doesn't give speeches. He gives brutal honesty. And every lesson comes delivered with all the warmth of a goddamn kunai straight to the face. The guilty know him for the way he kills. Slow when it needs to be slow. Painful when pain is deserved. Accurate. Unmoved. Brutal. He tears evil apart piece by piece, making sure nothing crawls back afterward. No loose ends. No second chances. When retribution moves through him, doors don't matter. Walls don't matter. Your just fucked. Still... he isn't devoid of emotion. God, no. Don't get that twisted. Under all that carnage and maniacal euphoria, there's a normal guy who's just trying to live his fucking life. He's a rare kind of person. Hard to find. The innocent see it. A hand offered. Protection given without a word. He's no hero. Heroes care about being seen. Karasu is just a guy with insane power that chose to use it to do remarkable shit. People say his methods are... Unorthodox. Yeah, that's the word...

Stupid Samuel lives in a tiny village that insists it makes sense, even when it doesn't. He tries to understand the world; the world tries nothing at all. What follows is a series of misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and small adventures that grow larger than anyone expects. This is the extended version of Stupid Samuel's narrative found in "Stupid Samuel and Other Stories."

Meet Den Mum. She is a self-contained arsenal running on calm, a "Hobbit-Elf" with cerulean eyes, and a woman possessing a thread of classic European elegance running staunchly through her bones. She survives on a precise matrix of sugar-free flavored waters, regular Shopee vitamin orders, and a fierce dedication to the Golden Rule Protocol. Having survived a childhood of psychological combat zones and a catastrophic system crash of familial loss, Den Mum has built an unyielding, sovereign fortress of peace. She has zero patience for the "Tedious Baseline" of her peers, corporate ego loops, or the superficial drama of the modern dating pool. Navigating the harried, roaring intersections of Bangkok, teaching a swarthy crew of young piratey ESL students, and running forensic audits on everything from British television satires to the un-kosher logistics of cheeseburgers, Den Mum is finally coming into her own. She's not looking for a corporate compromise. She's tracking a rare, high-fidelity frequency: My Person/Mr. Exemplary-a checkmate matching soul to share the handlebars of life with, if anyone at all. Equal parts dry, deadpan comedy and fiercely poignant emotional stewardship, "How Not to Marry a Welshman (and Other Success Stories) is a deeply unique, slow-burn biographical journey about stepping out of survival mode, healing from the wreckage of the past, and mapping out a multifaceted galaxy of one's own. Moving from high-concept cultural critiques to turning a frantic "fridge-dash" leftovers mess into culinary alchemy, "How Not to Marry a Welshman (and other Success Stories)" is a witty, raw, and fiercely sovereign story of neurodivergent survival, profound healing, and finding/founding a fortress of peace entirely on your own terms.

Ever wanted the school life of My Hero Academia mixed with the hidden world and adventure of Percy Jackson? Well... Man-eating demons, a world in need of secret protection, a hidden academy in the snowy mountains training the heroes to keep an unaware public safe. After sixteen years of seeing things that aren't there, Celia Cane thought the problem was her. Every person agreed she was just, hallucinating. But no, it's never that simple. While she's glad not to be crazy, this makes life far more complicated than she could have ever imagined. Now she is in a place where everyone sees what she does, but she's still the one falling behind. At Aveil, legacy names open doors long before talent ever can. If she can't keep up, she has no hope of defending the world. Unfortunately, hunting demons will be the easy part. In the days ahead, she will see fractures in more than alliances. While those who would let those demons have their way with the world set their plans in motion. Can Celia and her friends be the hunters the world needs, or is a new dark era coming?

WHERE THE WANDERING SOUL RETURNS Book One Some souls are not born to remain behind walls. Reborn with the memories of another life and blessed with a mysterious Space Gift earned through good karma, Su Ya, the forgotten youngest daughter of the noble Su family, has never desired wealth, power, or status. While noble ladies dream of becoming empresses and princes' wives, she dreams of mountain valleys, ancient forests, hot baths after long journeys, and a quiet cottage she can truly call home. Branded an embarrassment after publicly humiliating the imperial princes as a child, Su Ya spends her youth wandering the vast lands of the Hang Dynasty. Along the way, she becomes a healer, hunter, warrior, and protector of ordinary people, earning the legendary title of the Silver Wanderer. On her twentieth birthday, her grandmother reveals an ancient family secret: every Wanderer is destined to find a sacred land that calls to their soul-and a Soul Partner chosen not by power or politics, but by the heart of the land itself. Following an irresistible pull deep into the western mountains, Su Ya discovers a hidden valley untouched by time. There she awakens her emerald Familiar, Qing, uncovers the forgotten legacy of the Wanderers, and begins restoring a long-abandoned home. Fate also introduces her to Sen Yang, a quiet mountain hunter whose strength rivals bears, whose heart is as steadfast as the ancient pines, and whose greatest wish is simply to live honestly among the mountains he loves. Together they discover that home is not merely a place... It is the people who choose to walk beside you. But while peace has finally found them... Others have begun searching for the valley. And not everyone comes seeking a home. Some come seeking to claim it.

Virago /noun/ A strong, brave, or warlike woman; a woman who demonstrates exemplary and heroic qualities. In a city full of chaos and dangerous back alleyways, Aspen Izumi was in no way helping the list shrink. While she may not have added her dose of chaos into the world, she thrived in dangerous situations. She didn't necessarily find joy in killing people, she wasn't some psycho serial killer, but it paid good money. And after years of conditioning- she was able to turn off her feeling of guilt and disgust to get the job done. Maverick Graves on the other hand, was in over his head. While he was able to preform and execute every mission perfectly to a T, he wasn't conditioned into numbness. And while the money is great, it's not enough to drown his internal turmoil. Was he a bad person? Or is he doing the world a favor by removing people who have wronged others? But what happens when Aspen's conditioning and discipline begin to crumble for a person it isn't supposed to? What happens when Maverick finds himself blurring the same lines he and Aspen aren't supposed to erase?

Zog likes his life to be predictable. A humanoid built for routine, he's perfectly content piloting a rustbucket ship with his mischievous robotic og, Blip, at his side. Together, they scrape by on odd jobs and avoid trouble or excitement. But the galaxy has other plans. When a series of catastrophes forces Zog to command the Duj, a cutting-edge (and alarmingly temperamental) spaceship, he's thrust into a universe of uncharted planets, hostile aliens, and malfunctioning AI. Blip, meanwhile, is having the time of his circuits, revelling in every chaotic twist their journey throws at them. As Zog struggles to keep the Duj-and his sanity-intact, they encounter a cast of eccentric allies and dangerous foes, from a sharp-tongued engineer to a mannequin-turned-lethal bodyguard. Together, they'll face exploding planets, galactic bureaucracies, and a cat with suspiciously good aim. In a galaxy where every mission goes wrong, every crewmember has quirks, and every button on the control panel might spell doom, Zog and Blip must find a way to survive-without completely losing their minds. Beyond Spuroxi is a laugh-out-loud sci-fi adventure perfect for fans of humour, heart, and intergalactic mayhem.

Rin without a surname had always felt a hunger inside her. So when she found out only curses could satisfy her hunger, Rin wanted to make sure her next meal would be the biggest curse of them all: The King of Curses, Sukuna.

A gritty novella about the infamous Persepolis Zoo, where Tasmanian devils are forced into the unlikely role of Emotional Support Animals for other inhabitants. Based on real events, this completely fictional mystery thriller is, controversially, filled with desert-dry humor, feral absurdism, and groan-worthy dad jokes. Like any respectable YA-ish book, its modest goal is to blow the audience away, melt their brains on the inevitable reread, and finally raise the internationally recognized bar for literary brilliance.

Reincarnation wasn't in the plan. Neither was the ladder. Bryan didn't die heroically. No truck. No prophecy. No dramatic last stand. Just a ladder... and a very bad fall. Now he's in a world of magic, beastkin, and adventurers who take themselves far too seriously. Apparently, this is where he's meant to start again. There's a system. There's power to gain. And for once, things might actually go his way. Honestly? It's probably just your standard reincarnation power fantasy. Nothing deeper. Nothing complicated. Nothing that could possibly go wrong. A fully planned long-form series. No filler. No meandering arcs.

When an unserious lawyer meets an unserious teacher, sparks fly as the vicinity is plunged into darkness. It's a simple grocery run. What could go wrong?

in which elle stayed in the same laboratory school to finish her senior high school years, just minding her own business being a star student, a first aider, and a student leader that she is. and not knowing that she is already entangled with the members of one of the biggest opm bands in the future. just baby joes x baby elle x baby kaye shs au ; the back story [a multo prequel no one asked for but is provided]

"You sound like, as if you are guarding my heart?" "YEAH AND ITS UNDER ATTACK!" _____________________________________________________ "Why hello there you feeble-minded reader. You seem to have stumbled upon a burnt rose instead of a fresh one in this garden of blooming flowers. This Pathetic 'Writer', holds power o'er this lame tale. And even me. Hmph. I hate her already. Her. And her writing speed. Slow and unforgivable. EW. Will love to have some nice words with you again. Reader. Meet you in this story again. In cursive. If this amateuristic 'writer' will let me say something." ____________________________________________________ When The Vampire Curse hits the Stark household. 17 year old Ryder James Stark has to conquer mysteries and perhaps some little twists which runs beside his family reign and his dear partner Retsel Rose Veldt. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 Stuck and torn between reality and his own observations. Ryder has to sit , face to face with what the world has planned for him, and for...her. Is he Ready for this? Before that pretty little flame finishes off the vintage aesthetic of these papers. _____________________________________________________ Ranks:🍷🍷 #1 in family curse #2 in unsettling #3 in dryhumour #4 in fourth wall breaking It appears this filthy and unfavourable author she calls herself has standards✨ Hmph. _____________________________________________________

Remus has one of the more peculiar careers the space-age has to offer: Bio-Sphere Architecture. He's there for the folks who enjoy a purty little garden that will respond kindly to life on a ship. More specifically, a garden that plays nice with synthetic light, automated watering (if needed), and the occasional jostle from less-than-smooth maneuvers. Perhaps more importantly, he needs to ensure that the biosphere generates enough oxygen to sustain a crew. Because, unfortunately, breathing tends to be a requirement for valuable crew members. One of his clients, however, is a bit above the usual garden-variety work. A billions-strong industry, galaxy-wide reputation, and a centuries old secret. __________ Author's Notes: This story follows Remus through a deep universe with politics, wars, science-based technology, and of course, alien plants. If you enjoy engineering (especially aerospace), botany, and lore-filled stories, I promise, this one's for you. Oh, also, no generative AI was/will be used in the making of this story.

Harry P. has always known he was different. He just assumed that meant unlucky. When a trip to the zoo turns into an encounter with towering robots, impossible heroes, and at least one very talkative snake, Harry learns the truth: he isn't just strange - he's a mutant. In a world where magic and mutation have quietly coexisted for generations, Hogwarts is more than a school for wizards. It's a refuge for the gifted, the dangerous, and the deeply unpopular. As Harry is drawn into a hidden war between those who fear the unknown and those determined to control it, he discovers that destiny has a sense of humor - and it's usually at his expense. From the creator of Super Magic Force Wars, Hogwarts: A School for Gifted Youngsters is a Harry Potter / X-Men crossover in which every character is a dual character, blending two beloved fictional worlds. It mixes action, mystery, and occasional absurdity into a character-driven story about power, identity, and surviving a world that would really prefer you didn't exist.

Clair Smith has a corner office, a tendency to disappear without explanation, and more opinions about Thorne Technologies than her job title strictly requires. Matt Ellis has the top floor, a calendar full of people he's quietly terrifying, and no idea what he's walked into. Neither of them, as it turns out, does. This was not in either of their job descriptions.

Detective Walter Synclair climbed the ranks of his Manchester station, fast than anyone could explain including himself. He has gotten comfortable with making things work in his favour but a single case changes that. Armed with nothing but his instincts, his loyal friend and officer, and a rookie who might be smarter than him, Walter has to figure out what's really going on. But the question still remains will he be able to look into the past and say confidently that: "The Detective was...

The Summary: To the criminal underworld of Washington D.C., the Della Leone empire is a ruthless, self-made powerhouse ruled by an iron fist. And at the center of that power is Aurelia Della Leone-a world-class secret sniper, the founder of the elite International Women's Intelligence (IWI) network, and a total force of absolute, unhinged chaos. Her six powerful brothers don't try to stop her; they know better. Instead, they act as her ultimate protective net, letting her tear through rival syndicates while they back her up from the shadows. When she isn't systematically dismantling international trafficking rings or dodging her severe phobia of routine hospital visits, Aurelia passes the time by testing her brothers' sanity-mostly by mocking powerful dons and stealing the Don of D.C.'s breakfast right off his plate. But beneath the designer YSL heels and brilliant comedic timing lies a dark family trauma. A decade ago, their mother betrayed the family and left a scar that Aurelia has kept secret ever since to protect her family's empire. When a high-stakes friction with the rival Vitale syndicate in Chicago sparks a dangerous chain reaction, the Della Leone family's zero-tolerance policy for betrayal is put to the test. With a crucial alliance forming with the powerful Northern Alliance-and a certain dangerous Russian alpha named Zayden Volkovich watching her every move-Aurelia's D.C. playground is about to go global. A unique, fast-paced blend of high-octane action, deep family loyalty, and laugh-out-loud dark comedy

**Reality has a loose seam, and it usually breaks down on Route 9.** Mac and Casey don't have magic wands, plasma rifles, or holy relics. They have a 2014 Ford F-550 tow truck, a steel crowbar, and a can of salt-infused WD-40. From rifts in space-time at the local burger joint to possessed radiator caps and Eldritch entities hogging the fast lane, *Interstellar Towing & Recovery* handles the supernatural wreckage the city pretends doesn't exist. It's dangerous, it's messy, and it pays twenty-two bucks an hour under the table. **WRECKED REALITY** is an episodic series of blue-collar cosmic horror, sci-fi anomalies, and deeply cynical comedy.

When the new inheritors of Earth finally walked out of the surf, they did not conquer with weapons, nor did they harbor any malice toward mankind. They simply arrived, occupying space with a biological reality that was completely alien to human comprehension. Now, humanity is forced to watch as their planet is silently repurposed. Confronted by an entity that can communicate complex directives in fractions of a second, human language has been rendered archaic, clumsy, and desperately inadequate. Relegated to primitive agrarian pockets in the arid interiors, the surviving remnants of civilization must face an agonizing truth: they are no longer the apex of design. They are merely an ecologically inefficient species that has run its course. This is not a heart-pounding thriller where every second is a race to save the world. The eviction notice has already been served, and humanity is simply waiting for the lease to expire. It isn't cruelty, and it isn't tyranny. It is just the cold, beautiful math of survival.