Codeman_89
I didn't know what I was chasing-just ? Sure, but it cut deeper, sharper. I called a Trappist monastery an hour away, spilling it all-probably sounding like a raving lunatic, but I needed answers. I'd figured Catholics wouldn't get spiritualism, but she floored me. She didn't flinch, didn't call me crazy-just listened, then hit me with it: "spontaneous mystic." I blinked, "Okay, what's that?" She laughed, half-impressed I'd dove in blind, no parachute, and hit enlightenment in three days flat. "Rest," she said, "it's gonna hit you." She was right-I was cooked, forehead throbbing like I'd been torched by the sun, beach vibes from hours in the sand. Took me three days to shake it, but music and food? They popped harder, deeper, like my senses got rewired.
Two weeks back, around late March, I hit a wall-tug-of-war in my head, pulling me down. "Not worth it," "Why me?" kept looping, dark and loud. I'd been flying so high, but there I was, yanking at my own rope, doubting it all. Then it snapped-transcendence, like the cord cut loose. I wasn't just awake; I was past it all, floating above the mess I used to carry. That fight didn't break me-it finished me, in the best way.
I crashed back, bawling joy and shock. For an hour, everything shifted. Politics, games, chasing cash-dead to me, ashes of a guy I didn't recognize anymore. I gave my life to Jesus right there-reborn, awake, enlightened