Babysapphire
She wasn't supposed to mean this much-
or anything at all.
It started with a quick conversation to distract her from a classroom door I was guarding, random talks, and late-night texts that felt a little too personal. At first, I told myself it was nothing-she's probably just friendly. Nothing serious.
But then a kiss was shared-
and everything got complicated.
Because loving her didn't feel wrong.
It felt like clarity. Like for the first time in my life, I wasn't being told to quiet down, to shrink myself, to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
We kissed. More than once.
Soft, quiet moments that felt louder than anything I had ever experienced. Like everything in me finally made sense.
When I was with her, I didn't think about anything else. Not my family. Not my beliefs. Not the voice in my head telling me that what I felt was wrong.
Just her.
On the bus ride back from a school trip, with the AC too cold and the night too quiet, she sat next to me. Our hands found each other like it was nothing-like it was natural, like it had always been that way.
We leaned into each other. Stayed close.
Too close to be nothing.
Soft touches. Lingering hands. Quiet moments that said everything neither of us could say out loud.
And for a second... I thought it was real.
A couple nights later, I got a voice note.
She told me it didn't mean anything.
That she was just curious.
That she wasn't gay.
Just curiosity. Just an experiment.
And somehow... I was the only one who didn't know.
Now I'm stuck between what I feel and what I've been taught. Between a girl who can hold me like I matter... and let me go like I don't. Between holding on, letting go, and trying to move forward.
Because how do you stop loving someone when the feeling never actually left?
What happens when the person who felt like everything... was only ever unsure about you?
And what happens when the person you can't have...
is the only person who's ever felt right?