Истории Majorconstruction

This is an old story that I had written a few years back. It's extremely cringy but I was hoping that some of you guys could give it a read and tell me if you would be interested in giving me some advice on what I should do to make the story better. I'm open to pretty much anything. I've actually tried (and failed) to make a revised version but it didn't really spark my interest enough (I'll be adding what I had written at the end, just in case you'd like to take some ideas from that as well). I'd just really appreciate some feedback on whether or not people would be interested in the story or not, and if you are, what you would like to see stay and/or change. Thanks for your time, and if you choose to read, make sure to be vocal! I promise I'll take everything into consideration!