apendergrass
When there is no hope there is faith, no matter how much it hurts, how hopeless, how dark there is faith.
Chase was born at 40 weeks and 2 days. Everything was normal uncomplicated up until the umbilical cord was cut. After that, all hell broke loose. Expecting my baby to be brought back to me at any moment I instead had to prepare myself to say goodbye. I had barely said hello, how could I say goodbye. Maybe I was being punished, maybe I deserved to be punished. This had to be my fault. When there is no hope you have nothing else left but to look at God and say I have nothing left but to trust you. I chased faith because it was all I had left.
Chase was diagnosed with TAPVR 12 hours+ after birth, 12 hours with no oxygen; 12 hours without air in my lungs, 3 days on ECMO being told to love him because 5 mins were all it took never have tomorrow, 3 times I was told to say goodbye. When there is no hope we chased faith.