Pratchett Geschichten

**Finalist of The Mages Guild Award for Creative Writing** ***** The King is dead. The country has descended into chaos. Sir Ambrose once had his choice of the greatest heroes to command. What he has been lumbered with are: a wizard with no control over his ability to make fire, a thief with broken hands, and the Duchess of Danefield who is clearly an orc in a dress. Thankfully, Sir Ambrose has a plan. He just can't remember what it was. Map by: https://www.reddit.com/u/chevellure/s/vwmCvHDndr

Disclaimer: No serious romance or hanky-panky involved. Sorry. Set in Pratchett's Discworld, here's a mellow story of how a new witch goe about her day. Written mostly because I always daydream of being a witch ith Tiffany, and here's a way to ge my fanatsies on paper.

[Think of it as Star Trek: First Contact meets The US Office - one chapter per day] If your parents ever said you were a mistake, well... so were they. And so were their parents. And so on - all the way back to a failed cosmic experiment that eventually kick-started a species capable of inventing nuclear weapons, influencer culture, and reality TV. Now Earth is circling the drain, and the Galactic Union has finally noticed. Their plan? Patch things up by inducting us into the wider universe - with the help of a misfiring Steering Committee and one extremely confused human abductee: Duke Kramer. Volunteering for a NASA black-ops program was meant to give Duke a purpose - offering the magic of alien contact. Instead, he's stuck in deep space learning that humanity may not be worth saving. While back here his friends are in a race to find him - dodging Elon-esque tech moguls who believe the coming salvation is their sole divine right. A darkly funny sci-fi satire about alien bureaucracy, the mess we've made of society, and whether it's ever too late to fix ourselves.

Certain that they will no longer be bothered, Crowley and Aziraphale meet to dine at The Ritz, where they make a big decision in their lives- to move in together. What will happen when an angel and a demon both share the same house?...

***A funny fantasy story perfect for Discworld fans!*** Marovia Glug is an adventurer. That's a tough gig as it is - but when your every decision is affected by an invisible Sprite with a 20-sided dice, things get harder... Dragons, bandits, and houses made from elephants. It's all in a day's questing for Marovia. ***A fun-loving Dungeons and Dragons parody that skewers fantasy tropes, in the vein of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams.***

Doak, a very fearful thief, finds himself aiding a very old, and very dangerous priestess - by donning the ancient armor that she still haunts. While trying to flee his old gang and use the armor for more nefarious deeds, he soon realizes that he just might be caught up in a prophecy that he really, REALLY wants to ignore.

An unstoppable army of tribal lizard warriors, seething with vengeance and armed to the fangs with swords and axes, is poised to sweep across the lands of Pyrus, a place where both magic and psychic abilities have evolved as natural phenomena. The Brothers of the Paranormal, a sect of benevolent psionic monks, discover that the lizard's aim to have their revenge on the old city of Port Packham and resolve to try and use their abilities to prevent the onslaught. When Norris Bartlett, a struggling metal tubings salesman, is accidentally transported through an unreality hole from his own world into this alternative existence, he becomes the last hope for the Port's inhabitants - and he only went in the kitchen to put the kettle on! He finds that he has to travel across the bizarre, pear-shaped world of Pyrus to seek out a mystical artefact that might save them all - the legendary Lost Pearl of Wisdom. But the Pearl has been hidden by ancient priests and is guarded by an unspeakable horror - which is a pity since it remains Norris's only hope of ever returning to his own existence. He's accompanied on his quest by a novice from the Sisters of the Unexplained and an arrogant, irascible magician whose spellcasting ability is on par with a stuffed otter. Their guide is a desperately inexperienced treasure hunter ("Tombs Raided While U Wait") who couldn't find a brick in a bucket. Armed with ancient maps, magical scrolls and Cadmus's copy of "Amateur Spellcaster", the group set out to return with the Pearl before the invasion begins. In a spectacular and nail-biting climax, Norris discovers he's just a pawn in a plan so audacious that it puts every world in existence on the threshold of destruction – including his own. Norris discovers that he's even worse at preventing universal cataclysms than he ever was at selling Galvanised Tubing. So when things start to go pear shaped, Norris needs all the help he can get.

The final exam for membership into the Hunter's Guild should be a walk in the park for Kristen. But her mentor Alpha failed to mention the heavy weight that membership carries with it. A meeting with The Grim Reaper and the Incarnation of Science, during her expedition, is only a start to the strange history that is Rootworld. If Kristen's strange History lesson teaches her anything, she may pass yet. That is, if she doesn't decide that saving Time and Space is more important. Meanwhile, Ian Stein and Tess Nikola are navigating the halls of the Rootworld academy of the arts and dealing with the growing pains that come with teenage changes, such as, developing their theories of Relationship and the Magno-electric spectrum.

Hello, everyone. I'm planning to make this my debut book. It is a series of short stories chronicling the Rise and Fall Of The Pressure Cookers, a tumultuous time on Earth. The Narrator is a 13 year old boy who was "picked off the street". His home planet is Gozzlegob. This is the prologue. Feedback is appreciated!

It's quiet. And dark. The street around you look empty , but you know they are not. You look around, head full of thoughts. Your hand reach the wand under your dark purple cloak. You cast few spells, just to be sure. A noise coming from behind you. It sounds like a foot step. You turn slowly, just with your head. Your eyes catch a glimpse of movement. You turn around and see nothing. The lamp next to you flickers and then gets dark. You stop for a second and listen. The silence making you feel uncomfortable. You take a deep breath to calm yourself and you rash toward the end of the street. You walk through the maze like streets and you feel like something bad is about to happened, but you ignore it. That was your first mistake.

My life is okay. I mean, it's not the most interesting, but I have a flat, and money. Well, I did, untill that night. The night my life changed for ever. The night the Officers came for me, but Static and his friends saved my life, and now I fight for a cause I don't believe in and I have no name. But maybe things aren't so bad with the rebels. This is the story of how I fouund my name after years of pretending it was something else for the State's sake.

Earthling Morris Blazik likes to cause trouble for bad people in high places. It gives him a purpose in life. So when an eight-foot assailant takes a potshot at him in a stockroom, another tries to run his car over with a stolen semi truck and a third disintegrates everyone in his former office, he thinks it's payback time. He's wrong about the payback, but someone definitely wants him dead. Just not someone from Earth. Even when a friendly, crusading extraterrestrial teleports into Morris's life and tells him the real story, he doesn't believe it. But as the evidence mounts, he allows himself to be recruited-and not a moment too soon. An obscenely rich and socially disagreeable extraterrestrial is planning to wipe out all life on Earth and turn the planet into something rather unpleasant. Next Thursday. Everything is going according to plan. A massive star has gone supernova. Wormholes are opening. Humans are being blasted off toilets in Beverly Hills. And incompetent hit men from planet Hargos are accidentally killing themselves with exploding ink pens and ejector seats. Okay, so not everything is going according to plan. But Earth is still in grave danger. And all that stands between it and total catastrophe are four intrepid life forms. Stan Parallax, a stylish, extraterrestrial eco-avenger. ZoZo Zzyzx, a female Goth-reptilian investigative reporter with a Mohawk. Grabelfrob, the galaxy's smartest life form-who happens to be dead. And a cocky Morris Blazik who quickly finds himself in over his head in a cosmos that's not only stranger than he can imagine, but funnier too.

My favorite assassin, and my take on his life. Based on the movies/books by Terry Pratchett. Please comment. I don't own Teatime or any of Pratchett's stuff, obviously.