Pratchett Stories

A short tribute to Sir Terry, without pride but with respect.

It may seem incredible, but this story was created by IT Student. Not a humanist, language teacher or historian, but an IT guy. And though it was to be a story made for a competition, it is to be done mostly for the closest ones. It is a tail about a future far away... or an ancient past... or maybe the very day it is right now? What's really sure, is that the heroes of it will be the three "Great". Who did the author call like that? Check it out for yourself! :) --- I dedicate this work to my Parents, and the Authors of creations, to which I relate in the very text, for fascination of written word and inspiration to write by myself.

An unstoppable army of tribal lizard warriors, seething with vengeance and armed to the fangs with swords and axes, is poised to sweep across the lands of Pyrus, a place where both magic and psychic abilities have evolved as natural phenomena. The Brothers of the Paranormal, a sect of benevolent psionic monks, discover that the lizard's aim to have their revenge on the old city of Port Packham and resolve to try and use their abilities to prevent the onslaught. When Norris Bartlett, a struggling metal tubings salesman, is accidentally transported through an unreality hole from his own world into this alternative existence, he becomes the last hope for the Port's inhabitants - and he only went in the kitchen to put the kettle on! He finds that he has to travel across the bizarre, pear-shaped world of Pyrus to seek out a mystical artefact that might save them all - the legendary Lost Pearl of Wisdom. But the Pearl has been hidden by ancient priests and is guarded by an unspeakable horror - which is a pity since it remains Norris's only hope of ever returning to his own existence. He's accompanied on his quest by a novice from the Sisters of the Unexplained and an arrogant, irascible magician whose spellcasting ability is on par with a stuffed otter. Their guide is a desperately inexperienced treasure hunter ("Tombs Raided While U Wait") who couldn't find a brick in a bucket. Armed with ancient maps, magical scrolls and Cadmus's copy of "Amateur Spellcaster", the group set out to return with the Pearl before the invasion begins. In a spectacular and nail-biting climax, Norris discovers he's just a pawn in a plan so audacious that it puts every world in existence on the threshold of destruction – including his own. Norris discovers that he's even worse at preventing universal cataclysms than he ever was at selling Galvanised Tubing. So when things start to go pear shaped, Norris needs all the help he can get.

The God Vote follows public relations expert Tim Bloom as he helps his most difficult client yet, God, win an election and save the world. A satirical fantasy story that draws inspiration from Terry Pratchett, falls well short of Douglas Adams, and plagiarises The Bible for a tale of Trumpian politics and world ending drama. Tim Bloom is a miserable PR expert suffering a crisis of conscience when a mysterious stranger enters his life and thrusts him into a universe of religion, ethics, morality, and what it means to be human. Tim finds himself running the campaign of his life against a famous business and reality TV mogul who hides a secret and will say and do anything to secure an election win. Tim and God embark on a worldwide adventure to prevent the enslavement of the human race while a hidden enemy works in secret to stop the election completely and take control of Earth. Join God and Tim on a journey of biblical proportions as they campaign hard to save the world.

Imagine Douglas Adams got together with Terry Pratchett and wrote the Confederacy of Dunces, and you have a sense of a much better book than this one. But invoking that image might give a sense of the style, gravitas, and personal charisma of Everest Jones. Now let it go, because Everest lives in his own world, which is small and squalid and nothing like New Orleans or England. While many people dream of becoming galactic travelers, few accomplish this feat. The few who do have the right combination of bad luck, poor timing, and an ability to irritate alien life forms just enough to get kicked off on a strange world without angering them to the point of vaporization. Everest Jones is the sort of person who really doesn't like to take long car rides, so galactic travel ranked low on his list of life goals. Possibly slightly lower than "stab self repeatedly in eye with cocktail fork." But he has the necessary luck, timing, and personality. So, by bad luck, Everest becomes our galactic ambassador for humanity. It's no wonder they don't return our calls. Irreverent, with sexual references and humor. Please sign up for books and stories at https://chrismaloneyauthor.wordpress.com/ Also comment, share, and critique as you are able. Thank you for reading!

Arthur has been a servant to the Countess for as long as he can remember. But tonight, Arthur is going to escape forever. A darkly humorous fantasy tale set in a fictional medieval land.

[Think of it as Star Trek: First Contact meets The US Office - one chapter per day] If your parents ever said you were a mistake, well... so were they. And so were their parents. And so on - all the way back to a failed cosmic experiment that eventually kick-started a species capable of inventing nuclear weapons, influencer culture, and reality TV. Now Earth is circling the drain, and the Galactic Union has finally noticed. Their plan? Patch things up by inducting us into the wider universe - with the help of a misfiring Steering Committee and one extremely confused human abductee: Duke Kramer. Volunteering for a NASA black-ops program was meant to give Duke a purpose - offering the magic of alien contact. Instead, he's stuck in deep space learning that humanity may not be worth saving. While back here his friends are in a race to find him - dodging Elon-esque tech moguls who believe the coming salvation is their sole divine right. A darkly funny sci-fi satire about alien bureaucracy, the mess we've made of society, and whether it's ever too late to fix ourselves.

Marvin the depressed robot is a genius, but his cognitive abilities aren't always recognized. When the Abbot of the Monks of History assigns Marvin a nearly impossible task, the robot is unperturbed, and sets out to accomplish it. His job? To retrieve the one Clock that can truly change time from the thieving Plaximus Gutorians. However, Marvin has little to no clue as to what the clock looks like, and he may be in for a surprise. Won't this be quite the adventure? Entry for SciFriday.

They say it all the time, but what does it ACTUALLY mean? And was it really wise for them to get SO drunk...?