Skinpicking Stories

my vent art

Hi everyone. My name is Bailee Lewis and I am suffering from Dermatillomania, also known as Excoriation Disorder or Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP). The introduction will fill in every detail of this journal. For the most part I just want to get some pain and words off of my chest that I've held in forever. The point of this is also to educate anyone reading on CSP, which the fact and things about it will be in the intro but also if your curious about the emotional and mental effects of the disorder, I'm not gonna stop you from reading. Updates will be random, just depends on whats happening emotionally. Also the entries may be only a few words, or even many paragraphs, but the length and time of the updates will be totally random. I will not be editing either. I will write what i feel and publish it without reading it twice. So just be aware of that. Enjoy.

Every night, I tell myself I'm not going to do it. And every night, I feel it take over: the irresistible urge, the search for imaginary and real blemishes on my body, an outward release of swirling anxiety. Every night, I lose an hour or more of my life. I do it when I'm bored, when I'm anxious, and many times for what feels like no reason at all. Coming to terms with mental illness is complicated, and over time I have learned to accept that this is my "thing." In my mind, everyone has their "thing," the one thing they hide from the world. Mine just happens to be picking at my own body until I'm ashamed of myself.

"𝘪 𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰" ♡ a poem collection [from 2019] from when i was trying to get over a guy along with other issues i dealt with at the time. any constructive criticism you have about my writing is very much appreciated and may be provided in the post under the "conversations" tab in my profile. thank you. - don't ghost read! votes + comments are appreciated <3