daintyvibes
Dear Holly,
Hey. It's me. You probably won't ever read this letter, but I have to say it, even if you're gone.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't notice it sooner. The way you acted, the way you texted, the hints you dropped that you weren't okay. I can't believe I was stupid enough to be fooled by that fake smile of yours.
I miss you. A lot. And I should've done something. I'm so sorry. There isn't a single day that goes by where I don't wish I had noticed. If I had, maybe I could've done something.
All those lessons and classes we had on recognizing suicidal behavior? They didn't help. They never taught us what to do if the person was covering it up with years of acting.
I'm sorry.
If I had noticed it sooner, would you still be alive? I would've tried to help you. I swear, I would've. I wish I helped you. I wish you were still here, working with me on Tuesdays at this dojo. I wish you still sent those texts at 10:28pm, asking about the randomest things. I miss all of that and I miss you.
I don't know what drove you to do it, Holly, I really don't. I hope that it wasn't me. If it was me, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am.
I hope you're at least enjoying it up there, in Heaven. It seems like it would be nicer than down here, on Earth.
--Brandon
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Warning. This book talks about suicide and depression. Read at your own risk.