Suicideloss Stories

About my friend who comitted suicide. So trigger warning.

When someone commits suicide, people usually ask, "Why didn't they ask for help?" "Why didn't they talk to someone?". The thing is though, sometimes, they do ask for help. It may not be them directly saying "Help me". It may be them giving away all their things. It may be them suddenly becoming the happiest person after a long string of depression. It may even be them giving little hints such as "This stuff won't matter soon enough". When my best friend killed herself, I knew that it was my fault. Everyone told me that I shouldn't think like that. They told me that there was nothing I could do. She was already too far gone. They were wrong though. If I would have paid more attention to her, maybe read between the lines a bit more, she would still be alive today. I failed her as a best friend. Nothing anyone ever said to me would change my mind on the situation. After her death, I changed. But that's what trauma does to you. It changes you. What I didn't know though, is that the change I was going through, may bring me closer to understanding her and how she felt that day than I ever thought possible.

Surviving Suicide Loss is about my own grieving process. I was 16 years old when I lost my bestfriend/classmate to Suicide February of 2020. I fell into a deep depression that I didn't know how to get out of. That fall my family and I moved across country which tore me apart. I then found a Suicide Loss Support Group on Facebook led by Ashley Anderson. After I was apart of the Facebook group I got so much support from everyone in the group including Ashley. The first year was since my best friends Suicide was rough I was falling apart, I didn't want to talk to anyone besides the people in the Facebook group. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone besides Ashley. The second year was the same. The third year wasn't like the first or second years.

A COMPILATION OF TRAUMA POETRY FROM A SURVIVOR OF ABUSE* Chloe Jayne, author and survivor of childhood abuse and trauma, channels her painful traumatic experiences into creativity in this collection of original spoken word poetry ✍ "it's raw and real, a unique perspective. survivors, their loved ones, and all those seeking to understand traumatic experiences from the childhood abuse survivors point of view are the ideal readers of this literary masterpiece" (*some pieces may be subject to Trigger Warnings for physical abuse, sexual abuse/rape, suicide loss survivors, trauma, and emotional and mental abuse)

I lost a very good friend to suicide, October 10th, 2017. In this good friend, I saw a lot of potential. More potential then I had ever seen in myself or anyone else. He spoke a few different languages, was a Pre-Med. He wanted to be a neurologist to "save lives," so many dreams lost at the age of 19. His home life was pretty great. Arguments between mother and teenage son, all normal & often in households. I never heard him complain that much about his home life unless it was something tiny .. like that he was forced to get off his video games for an hour one night and he got upset. An "out of the ordinary" kind of upset. Like he was so mad that he couldn't play the game, that he would much rather not be alive. One of many times I had talked him down from his rages. Devin Coleburn Ousley. I called him Coleburn, everyone else called him Cole. Not much to say about what everyone else thought, except that he was charming to look at & it seemed like he didn't have an "uncool" bone in his body. Always dressed sharp, never underdressed.. always overdressed. This is another thing that confused me so profusely over his death.. anyone would've been lucky to be with him, and he knew that. I had struggled with depression.. but not severe. Honestly, I may be overusing the word "depressed" when I speak on terms before his death. But starting October 11th @ 6:40am, I hit rock bottom. All of us, his friends & family, knowing his potential & his worth, could not understand it. We all knew & I guess we just assumed he knew it too.. instead of assuming he didn't, which might've saved his life. With all of this hurt, I slowly became a better person & although I still hurt for him.. I know I can't blame myself anymore. If you need help or are struggling with yourself, please contact the Suicide Prevention Line. 1-800-213-TALK || Or contact me, 910-992-0954 I will do anything I can to prevent another Cole. I will do anything I can to prevent another loss.

Faye Peraya Malisorn, 31, is a powerful intersex mafia leader feared across Southeast Asia, yet a broken woman inside. For two years, she's been married to Yoko Apasra Letpresart, 24-a gentle-hearted, village-raised woman who believed in love, in vows, and in happily ever afters. But their dream of a family remains unfulfilled, and the pressure of infertility chips away at what once felt unbreakable. When Yoko discovers the lipstick on Faye's collar and a sultry text message late one night, their marriage erupts. Faye, torn between guilt and pride, lashes out and in a moment of cruel honesty, says the words no wife should ever hear. Words so venomous, so final, that Yoko walks calmly into the kitchen, speaks her last truth, and ends her life before Faye's eyes blink. Now, haunted by her own cruelty and Yoko's disappear. Faye spirals into grief, revenge, and desperate redemption. But what if love never truly dies? And what if death... is only the beginning of their reckoning? Main Characters: Faye Peraya Malisorn (31) • Intersex woman. • Ruthless mafia leader and president of Malisorn Corp. • Deeply in love with Yoko but emotionally repressed, proud, and often cold. • Haunted by trauma, obsessed with legacy-particularly having a child to carry her name. • Her worst fear: losing control. Her deepest wound: losing Yoko. Yoko Apasra Letpresart (24) • Humble, soft-spoken, yet emotionally strong village girl. • Met Faye at a university donation gala; they married a year later. • Grew up caring for her ill mother and holding onto ideals of love and loyalty. • Desperate to give Faye happiness, yet emotionally breaking inside. Aom (29) • Faye's old flame and the woman behind the lipstick stain. • Manipulative, seductive, and dangerous. • She represents Faye's darker temptations.